Coffee and Chemo

Refreshments for erev zikaron

2011-11-12T21:53:00.000+02:00

Several people have asked me if they can help out with bringing refreshments to the erev zikaron this Thursday. If you would like to help with this (and thank you!), you can enter your name and what you can bring onto the spreadsheet at this link.

If you have any questions about this, you can contact Idit Amir, who is organizing it, at this address.

Shavua tov, and see you on Thursday,

-- Moshe

Erev zikaron for Rivka: Details and some thoughts

2011-11-03T01:00:00.004+02:00

As previously announced, we will be having an erev zikaron (memorial evening) for Rivka on the evening of the first anniversary of her passing. Everyone who would like to participate is welcome and invited to attend.

Here are the finalized details:

Date: Thursday evening, 21 Marheshvan / November 17
Time: 7:30 pm
Place: Shalom Hartman Institute
Main Beit Midrash
Rehov Gedalyahu Alon 11
Jerusalem
Directions are available here, and on Google Maps here.

In addition, we will be making an aliya l'kever (visit to Rivka's grave) on Sunday morning, 23 Marheshvan / November 20, at (tentatively) 9:00 am. (This is the date on which Rivka's yahrtzeit will be formally commemorated this year.) Details regarding the location and prayers can be found in the post about our last aliya l'kever, here.

I want to thank all the people who responded to my request for photos of Rivka, to be used in the presentation we're making. I apologize that I haven't had the time to thank everyone individually. And to anyone who has some good photos but hasn't sent them to me yet: I'm still interested, and would be very happy to receive them.

Finally, a few thoughts that I'd like to share about the upcoming evening:

All of us miss Rivka tremendously, so it is obvious (and fitting) that we will feel sadness and loss on the night that we gather to remember her together. But at the same time, I hope very much that there will be happiness as well, and an opportunity to smile and laugh as we remember all the good times that we had with Rivka.

In her blog post entitled No Droopy Eyes Please, Rivka wrote the following:

"Okay, so here is the deal: I don't want people to look at me with sad, 'droopy' eyes.
I don't want people to think of me and feel sad.
...
I know that when you first hear the news, it's a bit of a shock. So it's okay to be sad in the beginning... But don't stay there!
...
So here's what I want:
When you think of me, be happy.
When you see me, smile."

Of course, Rivka wrote the above words in reference to herself during her lifetime. But as all of us who knew Rivka understand, she would most definitely ask for the exact same thing after her passing as well.

Now don't get me wrong: On the evening of the erev zikaron, I don't expect that any of us will be able to fully comply with Rivka's request for "No Droopy Eyes". But even through our "droopy eyes", we can and should remember to also be happy when we think of her, and to smile when we see her (in photos, or in our memories).

I look forward to seeing you all in two weeks.

-- Moshe

P.S.: I am sending this message by email to a long list of Rivka's friends, but it is far from being an exhaustive list. So please, make sure to pass along this message to anyone who might be interested.

Save the date

2011-10-26T01:29:00.001+02:00

As I mentioned a few days ago, there is going to be an erev zikaron (memorial evening) for Rivka. It is going to be held on Thursday evening, 21 Marheshvan (November 17). I have not yet finalized the location, but it will be in Jerusalem, and I will let you all know as soon as it's finalized (hopefully within the next couple of days).

Please pass along this message to anyone who might be interested.

Wanted: Photos of Rivka

2011-10-21T00:32:00.000+02:00

Y and I are preparing a slideshow presentation of photos of Rivka, to be shown at the erev zikaron (memorial evening) that we will be holding in another month. (More info on that to come shortly.)

We are looking for good photos of Rivka. If you have any, we would very much like to use them. (We're particularly short on pictures of her from the old "frisbee chevra" days [late '80's and early '90's].)

Ideally, we'd like to get the photos in digital form. If you only have prints but are willing to scan them for us, you'd be helping us out tremendously. If you aren't able to scan the prints but can lend them to us, then we'll try to scan them ourselves.

So if you've got good pictures of Rivka for us to use, please send them (or links to them) to this address.

Thanks!

Moshe

12 months

2011-10-18T22:08:00.003+02:00

This coming Friday (23 Tishrei / 21 October) [Isru Hag], marks the 12-month anniversary of Rivka's burial. (Note that this is not the yahrtzeit: The yahrtzeit is the one-year anniversary, which will be a month later, on account of the past Hebrew year having been a leap year.)

Family and friends will be visiting her grave Friday morning at 11:00 am, to recite Tehillim (Psalms) and Kaddish. All who wish to attend are welcome.

The Tehillim and prayers that will be recited can be found here. (For "שם הנפטר"/"Deceased name", enter "רבקה". For "העדה"/"Congregation", choose "אשכנז". Then click on "חפש"/"Search".)

Rivka's grave is at the following location in Har HaMenuhot (Givat Shaul):
גוש צ', חלקה ק"א, שורה ב', קבר 1
(block צ', plot ק"א, row ב', grave 1)
We will gather first by the gate at the entrance to the cemetary.

If you are planning on attending, please leave a comment on this post, or send an email, in order to help us ensure that there will be a minyan present.

Please pass along this message to anyone who might be interested.

A Celebration Honoring the Life of RivkA

2011-03-15T23:34:00.010+02:00

The Jerusalem Twitter and Blogging Community Would Like to Invite You To

A Celebration Honoring The Life Of

RivkA Matitya

For the Benefit of Meneket RivkA
A New Breast Pump Lending Center (Gemach) and Consultation Service

Thursday, March 24
20:00 at the Inbal Hotel

Twestival 2011

A Fun Night of Comedy, Music, Games, Films, Socializing and More

Featuring

The Music of Kolot Jerusalem Women's A Cappella
Comedy by Lisa Gold and Benji Lovitt
Improv by Hahafuch

Kolot

Lisa Gold

Benji Lovtt

Hahafuch

Minimum Donation: NIS 50 Adult;

NIS 30 Child; NIS 200 Family

100% of the funds collected will be donated to Meneket RivkA

About Meneket RivkA

Meneket RivkA is a memorial tzedakah (charity) project in honor of RivkA Matitya a Jerusalem blogger (Coffee and Chemo), activist and educator who died of breast cancer this year. To honor her life and as a tribute to all that RivkA gave to us, the Twestival organizers have decided to support Meneket RivkA at this year's Twestival donating 100% of the funds raised to help establish this worthy cause.

Meneket RivkA was conceived of by RivkA's friends, students and teachers to serve a cause that she truly believed in, carried out in association with the Jerusalem Breastfeeding Center and the Eden Center, and with the blessing of RivkA's family.

Among RivkA’s many passions was breastfeeding education and support. As a La Leche League leader she inspired many women, both to breastfeed their children as well as to become breastfeeding educators and lactation consultants themselves. RivkA believed very strongly that breastfeeding, and breastfeeding education, should be accessible to everyone. She did not receive payment for her services, and offered breastfeeding help to anyone and everyone, even in the final weeks leading up to her passing.

As a tribute to RivkA's passions, and belief in the importance of women's body awareness and health, an unique new service: "Meneket RivkA", a "Gemach" (Lending Center) for top-of-the-range Breastmilk Pumps for new mothers in need of such equipment but unable to afford it was founded in her memory.

For more information visit their website

About Twestival

Twestival® (or Twitter Festival) uses social media for social good by connecting communities offline on a single day to highlight a great cause and have a fun event. Twestival is the largest global grassroots social media fundraising initiative to date. Since 2009, volunteers have raised close to $1.2 million for 137 nonprofits. All local events are organized 100% by volunteers and 100% of all ticket sales and donations go direct to projects.

Twestival was born out of the idea that if cities were able to collaborate on an international scale, but work from a local level, it could have a spectacular impact. Over 200 international cities from Buenos Aires to Bangalore, Seattle to Seoul and Hong Kong to Honolulu have participated in Twestival.

For more information visit Twestival.com and Jerusalem.Twestival.com

Our Local Sponsors

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

Shloshim

2010-11-25T01:12:00.003+02:00

This coming Monday (22 Kislev / 29 Nov.) marks Rivka's shloshim (thirtieth day since burial). Rivka's family and friends will be visiting her grave that morning at 10:00 am, to recite Tehillim (Psalms) and Kaddish. All who wish to attend are welcome.

Update:

The Tehillim and prayers that will be recited can be found here.

Rivka's grave is at the following location in Har HaMenuhot:
גוש צ', חלקה ק"א, שורה ב', קבר 1
(block צ', plot ק"א, row ב', grave 1)
[Note, however, that we will gather first by the gate at the entrance.]

If you are planning on attending, please leave a comment in order to help us ensure that there will be a minyan present.

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

A New G'mach - In Memory of RivkA

2010-11-04T23:45:00.002+02:00

The following initiative is being launched by RivkA's friends, with the blessing of RivkA's family.

Dear All,

We want to tell you about an amazing Tzedakah/Charity opportunity we are launching in RivkA's memory: A Breastmilk Pump Lending Service (Gemach) to serve the women of Jerusalem and region with top-of-the-range, new pumps.

The idea for the Gemach came from RivkA’s friend Noa Hirsch-Choritz, a certified lactation consultant, during the funeral while Moshe recounted the story of RivkA breastfeeding her youngest daughter while hospitalized. It suddenly became clear how we could honor RivkA's memory with something she was truly passionate about. While there are various pumps available for hire, no service currently exists in Jerusalem offering modern, high-quality pumps (the kind that lactation consultants recommend to patients). This was something that RivkA- a staunch breastfeeding advocate, educator and La Leche Leader- wished to change.

And so, the Gemach idea has taken shape. "Meneket RivkA", (the name chosen for its biblical reference, meaning "Rivka's Wet-nurse") will be initially housed in the Jerusalem Breastfeeding Center in Talpiot, with a satellite branch in Gush Etzion. Uniquely, lactation consultants will provide free professional consultations, “fittings” and advice for each woman renting the pumps, which will be loaned at a nominal charge based on models provided by other successful pump gemachs around the country.

We hope to raise enough money to purchase up to 20 pumps, incorporating several models. We've built an initial budget and have plans for strategic growth together with The Eden Center, the mikva/women's center project which RivkA wholeheartedly supported.

It is envisaged that Meneket RivkA is developed over time into a full-service breastfeeding center, providing subsidized lactation consultations, La Leche League support groups, pre-birth breastfeeding classes and of course, low-cost/free breastmilk pump rental.

We truly believe that this project is really in consonant with RivkA's thoughts- she believed that breastfeeding knowledge and skills should be available to everyone, without pay (as is La Leche League's directives). We think this would make her really happy. We are overjoyed to have received the blessing of her family in creating this project, and we hope that all those who shared her vision, or who wish to honor her memory, will consider supporting us. No donation is too small to realize this dream.

To read more about the project or to make a donation- please visit www.meneketrivka.org or email meneketrivka@gmail.com

Or, you can donate directly here:

UPDATE: Tax-free donations can now be made to Meneket Rivka via the Eden Center on "Israel Gives"

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

Join the "4 RivkA" Lotsa Helping Hands Community

2010-11-04T23:00:00.001+02:00

Anyone interested in being on the "4 RIvkA" community list, where you can volunteer to help RivkA's family, please join "lots of helping hands" by clicking on the following link:

https://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/c/632943/

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

Shiva Update

2010-11-03T19:32:00.005+02:00

RivkA's family will be concluding shiva this Friday, November 5th, after mincha which will start at 12:30 PM.

Reminder:

The family would like to eat/rest on Thursday between 12:00-15:00 and 18:30-19:30
(i.e. no visitors at these times)

Also, please no visitors after 22:00 pm.

Thank you for all your visits, condolences, emails and support.

Tefilot / Prayer times:

Shacharit - 7:00am [Help is needed strengthening the morning minyan]
Mincha - 16:40pm
Maariv - 17:20pm

If you need directions to the shiva, you can contact me at muqata@gmail.com

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

The Eulogies for RivkA

2010-11-03T18:25:00.011+02:00

RivkA's family requested that the video-recorded eulogies from RivkA's funeral be posted.

They are being posted in sequence, from top to bottom, in the order they were given. Each video clip states the name of the person who gave the eulogy, and the language it was presented in.

Updated: Moshe part 1

Moshe, part 2

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

Important Shiva Hours Update

2010-11-01T23:20:00.007+02:00

At RivkA's family's request, the shiva hours have been changed:

The family would like to eat/rest between 12:00-15:00 and 18:30-19:30
(i.e. no visitors at these times).

Also, please no visitors after 22:00 pm.

Thank you for all your visits, condolences, emails and support.

Tefilot / Prayer times:

Shacharit - 7:00am [Help is needed strengthening the morning minyan]
Mincha - 16:40pm
Maariv - 17:20pm

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

The Blogosphere Remembers RivkA

2010-11-01T10:28:00.006+02:00

The JBlogosphere (world of Jewish bloggers) has a weekly roundup of interesting and noteworthy posts called "Haveil Havalim" which has been going on for more than 5 years.

This week, the founder of Haveil Havalim, the Soccer Dad blogger, dedicated this week's "Haveil Havalim" in its entirety to RivkA's memory, and compiled a list of blogs (though not exhaustive) that remembered RivkA over the past week.

The RivkA memorial tribute: Haveil havalim #288 - the good name edition

Additional Tributes:

Memories of RivkA, by a Mother in Israel
The Eternal Optimist, by Brian Blum/Israelity-21c

More will be posted...

Reminder: Davening (prayer times) & Shiva (family condolences) at RivkA's home:

Shacharit at 7 AM
Mincha at 4:40 PM
Arvit at 5:20 PM

During 12 - 3 PM every day the family will be on a break, so please do not come during those hours.

Visitors should not come later than 9:30 PM, to allow the family for private time as well.

If you need directions to the shiva, you can contact me at muqata@gmail.com

Update -- The following request originally appeared last week in the comments section, and we're reposting it now, open to all. Not just bloggers...but anyone who was positively impacted by RivkA.

RivkA has asked me to compile a book.

She would like her friends to write about any positive impact she has had on your life, any way in which she has touched your life.So, get... thinking, and get writing, and please EMAIL me your contributions, under the heading: "Written for RivkA."

It doesn't have to be long, but it can be as long as you want it to be.

fox.louise@gmail.com

--Jameel

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

People Came to Say Goodbye

2010-10-31T02:32:00.007+02:00

Over 1000 people came for the late night funeral of RivkA, overflowing the building. The large crowd gathered outside and listened to the eulogies via loudspeakers.

Bloggers continue to write about RivkA:

Carl in Jerusalem was at the funeral tonight and wrote about it. [link fixed]

Baila wrote about RivkA.

Batya from MeAnder remembers RivkA.

The "Nad-Ned" blog has a beautiful post with wonderful photos of RivkA.

Frume Sarah writes about RivkA "Across Space and Time"

"Miles to go before I sleep" remembers RivkA...

The eulogies tonight were video-recorded and we hope to post them at some point.

If you write a blogpost about RivkA, please leave the hyperlink address to it in the comments section.

--Jameel

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

10 PM Funeral Arrangements (Update)

2010-10-30T18:40:00.006+02:00

RivkA's funeral will be at
10 PM this evening
(Saturday night)

Signs around Jerusalem mistakenly say 8 PM, but the funeral will be at 10 PM.

Davening (prayer times) & Shiva (family condolences) Details:

Shacharit at 7 AM
Mincha at 4:40 PM
Arvit at 5:20 PM

During 12 - 3 PM every day the family will be on a break, so please do not come during those hours.

Visitors should not come later than 9:30 PM, to allow the family for private time as well.

If you need directions to the shiva, you can contact me at muqata@gmail.com

Shavua tov,

Jameel

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

Funeral Arrangements

2010-10-29T13:00:00.015+02:00

This post is being continuously updated till after RivkA's funeral/livaya - please go to the bottom for updates.

The funeral for RivkA will be held Saturday evening, Moetzei Shabbat at 10PM.

It will be at the Kehillat Yerushalayim Beit Hesped in Givat Shaul, Jerusalem, across from the Herzog Hospital (on Har Hamenuchot).

Update: The family is looking for friends of RivkA who would like to volunteer to do "shmira" and say tehillim next to RivkA from 4 PM this afternoon (Friday) through Motzei Shabbat at 6 PM at Shaarei Tzedek Hospital (bring warm clothes). Each shift should be between 4-6 hours, based on the number of volunteers.

Shiva information and additional details will be posted.

Map to get to the Beit Hesped (you can click the map and enter in your address to get directions)

View Beit Hesped Kehillat Yerushalayim in a larger map

Update: People speaking at RivkA's funeral are requested to speak in English (if they can) so that RivkA's family from the USA can appreciate your thoughts as well.

Update: As is the Ashkenazic custom in Judaism, after a person dies, they are referred to by their name, and as the son/daughter of their father. Therefore, for those who are praying in her memory, her name is RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

Saturday Night Update: Reminder -- the funeral is at 10 PM, Saturday night, and NOT at 8 PM as it appears on signs around Jerusalem. Shiva information and additional updates posted at the top of the blog. (Or here)

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism, RivkA's family

Baruch Dayan HaEmet

2010-10-29T11:52:00.005+02:00

Baruch Dayan HaEmet - Blessed is the True Judge.

This is the blessing said upon hearing the news of someone's death.

About 11:10 AM this morning (Friday), RivkA passed away.

Funeral plans are in the process, and we'll post them as soon as we know.

May RivkA's family be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy thoughts) for the memory of RivkA bat Yishaya HaLevi.

With love and optimism,RivkA's family

Friday Morning Update

2010-10-29T08:50:00.005+02:00

8:15 AM -- Friday Morning, Erev Shabbat Chayei Sarah.

Good Morning.

RivkA's resting and her pain management seems to be under control.

For the past day, RivkA is less interactive that she was earlier this week and she is resting almost all the time. Though very weak, RivkA is aware of her surroundings and hears much of what's going on around her.

A few comments from her family:

1. Visitors are encouraged for short stays! However, only 1 or 2 friends are being allowed in at a time, so you may need to wait. The family very much appreciates all her friends coming to visit, because it also helps the family if they need to step away for a minute, as they don't want to leave RivkA unattended. RivkA knows there are people around her, and she takes comfort in that.

2. There is a notebook in RivkA's room. Please ask for it so you can write your thoughts or stories about RivkA in it. RivkA and her family would love to read what you have to say. Moshe has been reading blog comments, emails, and stories from the notebook to RivkA. Private emails can be sent to: thematityas@gmail.com

3. The exact quote from RivkA on Sunday evening was: "I am now in a different state" (RivkA's sister asked that it be corrected.) There is another sentence or 2 she said which we'll try to post at some point.

4. Many people participated in yesterday's "Race for the Cure" event for breast cancer awareness in Jerusalem, and there were people that carried signs with RivkA's name on it or had RivkA's name on their shirts. RivkA and family were very touched by this, and if anyone has photos of those signs/shirts from yesterday, please send them. You can also post them to her wall on facebook (and we'll post them here as well if you don't mind --you can send them to me here as well at: muqata@gmail.com)

Wishing RivkA, her family and friends, a restful and peaceful Shabbat weekend.

--Jameel

PS: Here is an article in today's Jerusalem Post (link updated)

Update: Here's a photo of RivkA's friends at the "Race for the Cure" this past Thursday in Jerusalem.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.With love and optimism,RivkA

Mid Afternoon Update

2010-10-28T15:36:00.004+02:00

Thursday, Mid Afternoon Update, 3:30 PM

RivkA's pain-management doctor reported to Moshe that he believes RivkA's pain is less than before due to the procedure this morning.

RivkA is mostly quiet now or sleeping.

Moshe told RivkA that her blog is now being updated as she requested, so that her many friends can be kept in the loop.

I'm reminded of RivkA's post from 2007, "No Droopy Eyes Please"

Okay, so here is the deal: I don't want people to look at me with sad, "droopy" eyes.

I don't want people to think of me and feel sad.

I don't want people to see me and feel sorry.

I don't want to be the cause of worry and concern.

I know that when you first hear the news, it's a bit of a shock. So it's okay to be sad in the beginning (I was too). But don't stay there!

You can ask me anything.

I'm totally open.

I don't mind talking about the cancer or what's going on.

Chemo certainly affects the day-to-day of my life, so there's no ignoring it.

But I really don't intend to hang out in some dark, depressing emotional pit.

So here's what I want:

When you think of me, be happy.

When you see me, smile.

(Read the rest of it here: "No Droopy Eyes Please")

--Jameel

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism, RivkA

Thursday Morning Update

2010-10-28T09:41:00.008+02:00

Good Morning.

RivkA's night was an extension of yesterday, as she was in a lot of pain. The doctors have readjusted her pain management this morning, hoping it will give her some relief. (Will update on this a bit later today)

RivkA isn't as talkative as earlier, but she (and her family) are very appreciate of the friends who come and speak to her for short visits, even if she has her eyes closed.

The JBlogosphere is expressing its care and love for RivkA in blog posts everywhere...here are a few that I found quickly:

Treppenwitz's "Thoughts and Prayers"
Batya's "RivkA on my mind"
Robin's "RivkA Update"
This week's JBlogosphere roundup "Haveil Havalim" was dedicated in honor of RivkA.

In fact, if you google for "RivkA bat Teirtzel" there are over 22,000 results of caring people who are publicizing her name, so that prayers, tehillim, and happy and healing thoughts are directed on her behalf.

If you write a blog post about RivkA, please leave a link to it in the comments section.

Praying that RivkA will have an easier day.

--Jameel

Update: Kudos to all of those running in the "Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure" today in Jerusalem.

"Significant historic sites were lit in pink and hundreds will gather for the first Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure® in Israel, as delegates from global and Israeli organizations gather to advance the breast cancer movement in a mission trip to Israel Oct. 25-28.

Susan G. Komen for the Cure®, the world’s largest breast cancer organization, is partnering with the City of Jerusalem, Hadassah®, the Women’s Zionist Organization of America, and health, science and advocacy organizations for the historic week that will also launch the Israel Breast Cancer Collaborative.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism, RivkA

Wednesday Night Update

2010-10-27T21:29:00.002+02:00

Today was a difficult day for RivkA.

RivkA was in a lot of pain for most of the day. Throughout the day she was being tended to by her family and hospital staff to try and keep her as comfortable as possible in her weakened condition.

This evening, RivkA's husband Moshe asked her if she wanted to see any of the guests who had patiently waited (and stayed) for a chance to see her, and she answered, "yes." Her friends were able to briefly see her, and that made RivkA happy.

The majority of people didn't get to see her today, but RivkA's family is encouraging people to come, on the chance RikvA might be able to see them at some point.

Hoping for an easier day tomorrow.

--Jameel

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,RivkA

"I Feel Like I’m in a Different State…"

2010-10-27T09:11:00.004+02:00

"I feel like I’m in a different state…" – these were the words RivkA repeated to us a few times, as she tried to put her thoughts in order for a blog post.

When I visited RivkA on Sunday evening, she was already very tired.

After some very difficult days during which she barely managed to communicate, Sunday was not just a “good day,” but an “excellent and amazing day,” as she spent quality time – quality communicative time, with her children, husband, parents and siblings.

By the evening when we visited, Rivka was exhausted. But she smiled at our jokes, laughed a bit, gave us a “thumbs up” for something she agreed with, and even laughed at a computer joke.

On Monday morning, RivkA’s brother sent me an audio note, where I heard RivkA request that friends come to visit her…and she was blessed with many friends who came to entertain her. She happily sang along as a friend played their guitar, and acknowledged the presence of the so many people who came to visit her.

On Tuesday, RivkA slept most of the day. When she was awake she was still rather drowsy. The vast majority of the many people who came to visit her weren’t able to talk to her, and instead spent time talking to RivkA’s family.

People are still welcome to come and visit, even though RivkA may be sleeping.

On behalf of RivkA and her family, please continue to visit, pray and send positive thoughts for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

RivkA’s friend,

Jameel

PS: I'm sorry that there hasn't been more updates on the blog. Having discussed the issue with RivkA's husband, I will now be posting more regular updates.

Update: If you come for a visit, please plan on keeping actual visit time with RivkA, short. All the food that's been brought to the hospital is greatly appreciated, yet please refrain from bringing BAKED GOODS.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.
With love and optimism, RivkA

An Update

2010-10-25T10:13:00.003+02:00

A post should be up here later today, as dictated by RivkA.

Important: As opposed to yesterday (Sunday) -- today friends are welcome to visit RivkA, for short visits.

Also, please be understanding that you may have to wait a bit to see her (depending on the number of people in her room).

Please understand that family conversations with RivkA will take priority over visitors.

RivkA’s looking forward to seeing you!

And she specifically told me last night, "tell people to check the blog for updates."

On behalf of RivkA,

--Jameel

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,RivkA

A Note from RivkA's Family

2010-10-21T13:03:00.002+02:00

Posted on behalf of RivkA's Family

A note from RivkA's Family:

As her family, we know just how special RivkA is. It's no secret that she has friends from all over and from all walks of life. We are very touched by all you who have called to offer support and with offers to help. It reminds us that she is not just special to us, but to so many others.

Jackie, a friend and neighbor of RivkA's, has generously taken it upon herself to organize help for the family when needed.

If you are available to help please email Jackie your:
phone #
email address
what times you are available. (after work hours, mornings, etc....)
and if you have a car

Jackie's email: jzb6768@gmail.com
Jackie's phone: 052-424-6149

Thank you,
RivkA's Family

A note from Moshe:

I am moved by the many offers of help that I am receiving, but I am also finding myself overwhelmed by them.

In addition to the time that I am spending with Rivka and tending to her needs, I am also trying to devote the time, care, and attention to our children that they need from me at this very difficult time.

I very much appreciate the constant phone calls that I'm receiving from so many people, and the outpouring of love, concern, and offers off assistance. But at the same time, I am simply innundated by them, in a manner that is difficult for me to process and that affects my availability to the children.

We do indeed need assistance, but it needs to be channelled in a way that allows me to spend the time together with my family that we need right now to support one another.

Your expressions of support and love mean a great deal to me. Please, do not stop sending them -- but if at all possible, post them here, where I can sit and read them properly at at a time during the day when my time and attention is not needed elsewhere.

If you would rather send me a personal note, please send it to thematityas@gmail.com. And please forgive me if I am unable to respond to them at this time.

For all those who are offering assistance, please contact Jackie through the contact information above. And thank you so very much, from me and from the kids.

Moshe

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism, RivkA

A week and a world – Change

2010-10-21T12:04:00.001+02:00

The following post was written by RivkA and is being posted on her behalf.

A week and a world – Change
(written 19.10.2010)

A week passed with no posts and lots of other computer problems and I knew you would all start to worry...during that week.

I started to have some “real” problems –with my vision and speech starting to blur.

As time passed the problems really became serious – the pain increased severely and my liver began to fail.

I have spent the last half of this “silent” period in the hospital.

I wish I could end this post by reassuring you that all will be well. I cannot...but there is room for hope. The situation with my liver can change; we can find a balance of pain management that doesn't make me woozy and we can pray.

At the end of the day, it is God's challenges. God is our ultimate caretaker and we will be taken care of.

So, I'm still here and I am still “fighting the good fight.”

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,RivkA

Religious Revelation

2010-10-21T11:59:00.005+02:00

The following post was written by RivkA and is being posted on her behalf.

Religious Revelation
(started writing 18.10.2010)

Though not my typical response, I had a revelation on Sunday night, or l'yud chesvan tash”a.

After months of innocently observing my health deteriorate, and continuing blindfoldingly down the path, I realized where I am heading, I finally had a revelation.

I had something I wanted to do (wave your hand Harry Potter) and I begged God to help me make it happen.

I suddenly realized my prayer had just been answered:

On Parashat Balak (insert date here [June 26, 2010] ) we celebrated our youngest daughter's Bat Mitzva....

(This is where RivkA stopped writing since Yaffa came to visit and then a whole string of visitors came and then it was night and in the morning she wrote the post above. She still wants to finish writing this post. However, I pushed her to tell me the end of the story since I was too curious to leave her side without hearing it. This is what she said:)

The revelation was that God answered my last question in the positive and I would be ok for the Bat Mitzvah. I asked for that.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,RivkA

RivkA's Video: Coping with Adversity

2010-10-20T20:25:00.005+02:00

Hi All.

This talk by RivkA was given in Gush Etzion on June 22, 2009, and she asked that I upload it and make it available for viewing on youtube. Her lecture is in 4 parts:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

Posted by RivkA's friend,

Jameel (yeah, its a weird name.)

Update; In the spirit of this blog being RivkA's thoughts, the information about the tehillim request is being moved to the comments section.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,RivkA

Disappearance.....

2010-10-12T15:23:00.000+02:00

My recent disappearance had nothing to do with my cancer.

We simply did not have access to the internet for a week or so.

Finally, we took advantage of someone who offered to help us and put him in charge of getting us back on line.

Voila!

Here I am!

That said, my "situation" is not that great. We still have hope, but things are not that great.

So we appreciate any extra davening and any extra mitzvot performed for our merit.

As I know more, I will keep you posted.

For now, we know that my liver is not functioning well, I finished this round of Whole Brain Radiation (today I had my last WBR treatment), and we are waiting for more blood tests (this Wednesday) before making any decisions.

In short, cancer did not cause the delay in communication, but the technical problems that we have been experiencing certainly include cancer complication.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

A Few Harrowing Days (Medical Update - Sort of....)

2010-10-06T15:44:00.003+02:00

Sunday Morning:

Hadassah Ein Kerem: Radiation
Sha'are Zedek: ~~Chemo (Doxil & Denosumab)~~

Doxil got canceled because it does bad things when combined with radiation.
Denosunab (bone drug) got canceled because my Calcium was too low.
My platelets, hemoglobin, and various other things were also too low, so I needed two units of blood, BUT but it was too late and I would have to return tomorrow.

Home: Canceled swimming lessons for the next day & Went to Sleep.

Sunday Evening:

Home: My left foot ballooned up to 2-3 x the regular size; I could barely walk.

My GP, concerned that thrombosis caused the swelling, sent me to the ER.

Sha'are Zedek: Ultrasound ruled out thrombosis.

Option: Spend night at hospital and receive two units of blood while sleeping (or go home and receive blood in the morning). Tired of running to and from the hospitals, the idea of killing two birds with one stone (i.e. getting the blood while I slept) appealed to me. However, I would only stay if Moshe agreed to go home, to be with the kids in the morning and reassure them that everything was okay. After a bit of persuasion, Moshe agreed. I was so tired, I slept quite soundly, despite all the beeping and buzzing.

Monday Morning:

Sha'are Zedek:

Woke up to discover I only received one unit of blood during the night.
Received the second unit of blood.
Ate three bowls of farina (solet, milk and sugar) -- I was hungry!
A friend (SS) came to keep me company and, when I finished, to take me to radiation.

Hadassah Ein Kerem: Radiation
Home: Slept/Rested.

Tuesday Morning:

Sha'are Zedek:

Met with Oncologist, to discuss my liver.
Did a Liver Scan (no results yet)

Hadassah Ein Kerem: Radiation.
Home: Rest

Wednesday Morning:

Hadassah Ein Kerem: Radiation.
Home: Rest.

General Info:

Lip still numb
Rt. Foot still swollen and sore
Still Balding from radiation.
Hands and Feet still red and peeling
Still bruise fast and heal slowly.
Still have severe back pain.
Still have hip pain and muscular pain.
Still have issues with constipation and stomach cramps
Still have low appetite and nausea
Still feel tired and weak.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The State of My Liver: inconclusive (Medical Update)

2010-10-05T22:45:00.000+02:00

We did a CT of my liver .
Results: Inconclusive

We did an MRI of my liver.
Results: Inconclusive

We did a PET CT of my liver.
Results: Inconclusive

We did a liver scan of my liver.
We do not yet know the results.

Some of the blood work regarding liver functionins is also a bit suspicious.

Still, nothing is conclusive yet.

Remember, a year and a half ago, when I discovered tumors on my brain and I freaked out about brain mets? One of the things my oncologist emphasized was that tumors on my liver would be far more scary.

Not to worry, I am still not freaking out.

Another thing my oncologist emphasizes is that we do not deal with "what ifs." We will not decide how to handle my current medical situation, until we know what it is. So, until we know the facts, we wait.

Meanwhile, we have had a few harrowing days.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Give Your Mouth a Rest....

2010-10-02T23:08:00.000+02:00

A few weeks ago, I noticed an unusual numbness in my lower lip, as if I had received novacain at the dentist, but it did not wear off.

The 2 1/2 cm (approx.1") wide affected area included my lower lip, my gums, my inner mouth, my tongue, my upper lip, and even my cheek.

At times, I barely noticed the discomfort. During the last few days, however, there have been moments when my speach was impared and moments when I felt severe discomfort, even pain.

I thought this might pass, but it seems to be increasing in severity.

I am trying not to panic, but I do not want the situation to remain as is.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Accepting New Limitations

2010-09-30T22:10:00.000+02:00

(This post contains many religious Jewish references. My apologies to those for whom this post is unclear)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I cried.

I love reading Torah. Every year, I schlep my famiy to Baka/Talpiot, so that I can celebrate Simchat Torah the way I want.

I always read V'Zot HaB'racha.

This year, in addition, I was offered the opportunity to read B'reishit for the Kallat HaTorah. At least I had the forsight to make sure I had a back-up.

It took me longer than usual to learn the reading of B'reishit.

I had no problem reading V'Zot HaB'racha. Like I told the coordinator, I can read that in my sleep. But the melody for B'reishit just flew out of my brain, as if I had not prepared at all. I could not remember the notes.

Plain and simple, my memory is no longer what it used to be. I cannot avoid the simple, painful fact that I can no longer volunteer to read Torah.

Accepting this new limitation is really tough.

Reading Torah has always been a profoundly moving, religious experience for me. Nothing else has ever made me feel so intensely connected to God. I really feel like I am God's mouthpiece, bringing His words directily to His people.

I take reading Torah accurately very seriously. I am dilligent about correctly pronouncing the words and singing the cantellations.

I deeply love reading Torah.

To my great disappointment, I find that I can no longer read at a level that is acceptible to me.

In the scheme of things, this might seem like a fairly benign loss.

For me, this marks a significant limitation and really brings home the feeling of loss and disability that accompany cancer.
Crying helped me share with God just how sad I am. It also helped me to accept that I need to take a step back and let someone else take over.

It is hard.... really hard....

I know that, in time, I will learn to accept this new reality, as I have accepted previous changes and limitations.

For now, I am still sad.

I am not quite done crying yet....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Fantasty

2010-09-27T23:16:00.000+02:00

I am finished!

I read all of Harry Potter!!

OK, so most other fantasy fans finished the series ages ago..... Not us.

I started reading the books when my kids were younger. I read the books out loud to them in English. Then, we kind of lost steam in the middle of book four. My son finished reading the series himself, in Hebrew, and the rest of us just sort of lost interest.

But now there is that new Harry Potter park at Universal's Island of Adventure, in Orlando, and we all want to go see it.

A few weeks ago, I noticed that my eldest had begun reading the series. Excited, she informed me that she wanted to read all the books and see all the movies before we visit the theme park. That sounded like a good idea to the rest of us, so my son reread the series in English, my youngest started reading the series in Hebrew (to be accurate, she started reading in English, but it took her too long, so she switched to reading in Hebrew and is already almost finished with the sixth book) and I started reading the series in English.

I could not put the books down until I finished.

I have been so engrossed in the books, that I have done nothing in recent weeks but read and sleep. Admittedly, I did a lot more sleeping than reading. However, every waking moment that I could, I burried my head in one of the books.

Now, I am done!

Tomorrow, we are going to a friend's home for a Harry Potter Marathon. We plan on watching the first three movies (though if we run out of time, we might only watch the first two).

We are already planning our trip to Orlando, to visit the Harry Potter theme park.

We saw glimpses of the park, as they were building it, during our visit to Orlando last winter.

I can't wait until my youngest finishes the series and we can all discuss the books together!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Glow in the Dark (Medical Update)

2010-09-20T23:29:00.000+02:00

I am going to start glowing in the dark.

I just started my third radiation treatment to my brain.

Just before my son's Bar Mitzvah, in July 2009, I had a month of whole brain radiation (WBR). The tumors shrank; some disappeared. Even after 6 months, some of the tumors continued to shrink.

Just before my daughter's Bat Mitzvah, in June 2010, an MRI revealed two new tumors. I had stereotactic radiosurgery (SRS) on what turned out to be three tumors. My recent MRI, showed that one tumor shrank, the other is stable. It also showed several new tumors... too many for another SRS.

The radiologist, who did my intake last Sunday, recommended that we do another round of WBR; she wanted to wait until this Sunday, so she could consult with the head off radiology, who was in Barcelona for a professional conference. Moshe and I felt a little nervous about waiting, but we also felt good knowing that the department took the risks of this procedure seriously (particularly since the risks are elevated by repeating the treatment).

We came in on Sunday, and the radiologist was amazing! She consulted with the dept. head before we even got there, gave us an update (basically, that the head agreed with their earlier decision), invited Moshe to ask the dept. head any questions he still might have, set me up for the simulation, and even for the first treatment! Things moved much faster than I expected, but I am glad to have started treatment right away, especially after waiting the extra week for the head of the dept. to return.

So, I just finished the third day of radiation. I will receive 18 treatments altogether.

This has impeded a bit on our holiday plans.

We, more specifically "I," will have to be in Jerusalem every morning, including Erev Chag, Erev Shabbat, and Chol HaMo'ed.

I have been having a tough time with this whole thing. I am a bit devastated to have more tumors appear so quickly.

Quite honestly, I am scared.

I am trying to keep my chin up, but it is a challenge. I just do not feel like saying "I am fine" when I am not, and I do not feel like explaining why I do not feel fine.

My emotions are extremely close to the surface these days. I lose my temper more than I cry, but it would probably be healthier for me to cry a bit more. I am feeling just a tad sorry for myself these days.

I have not even mentioned the hair thing....

Meanwhile, I am chugging along. I even taught swimming today (and had great classes, if I do say so myself!)

I just wish I had a bit more energy, and I know that the WBR will knock me out and make me even more tired than I already am.

*sigh*

So, those of you who want to make a chemo or radiation date with me --now is the time!

(I was just kidding about the glowing part....)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

New Year Blessings 5771 (2010-2011)

2010-09-17T15:46:00.000+02:00

Wishing everyone a year filled with joy and happiness.

May we all enjoy good health and relief from our pain.

May God answer all our prayers in a good way.

This Yom Kippur, let us learn from our introspection and grow to be better people.

May we be sealed in the book of life for this coming year.

גמר חתימה טובה

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Teaching Swimming -- Trials and Rewards

2010-09-13T23:22:00.001+02:00

Last week, for the first time, I had such a difficult time teaching swimming that I wondered if I would be able to continue. Given how weak I felt, I did not know until this morning if I would be up for teaching today. Even if I could manage to teach, I worried that it would take everything out of me and leave me like a rag again.

In the end, I felt OK, so I decided to teach, and I am so glad!

I had amazing classes!!

My beginners all accomplished a new step forward and we were all so excited!

My advanced swimmers worked hard and had a very productive lesson as well.

Of course I felt tired afterwards, but I also felt great!

I love teaching and days like today make all the efforts worthwhile!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Rosh HaShanah Preparations -- Where the Magic Begins

2010-09-13T09:22:00.000+02:00

When we left, not much food was prepared. Out of 6 meals -- we were invited for two, friends prepared one meal, and my sister prepared another -- that left 2 more meals to be prepared by my aspiring chef, i.e. my 12 year old daughter.

We met my neighbor on the way out the door, as we were leaving for the hospital, and I asked my son to mention to her where we were going and if she could stop by to check on my daughter from time to time, to see if she needed any help/advice with the cooking.

We also tried to reach my sister, who would be joining us for the first day of Yom Tov, to see if she could come early to help, given the current situation (that I was going to the hospital, mere hours before the holiday began). We discovered later that my sister, who had prepared everything in advance, was out of town for the day.

When we returned from the hospital, to find the house peaceful and all set up, we assumed that our neighbor and my sister were responsible. They were both quick to inform us that our kids had really done it all. The kids had worked together and made it happen.

In fact, the kids even handled a small crisis (a grease fire in one of the cooking pots) calmly and responsibly.

When push came to shove, there was no pushing and no shoving. Our kids cooperated and helped each other and did what needed to be done.

As we sat down together, to share the first festive meal, we thanked the children for pulling it all together, feeling both proud and extremely grateful.

I felt accutely aware of all the blessings surrounding me: my children, my sister, my husband.

God has blessed me with the greatest gifts of all.

I was tired, I was weak, but I was home with my family.

There is no better way to start the NewYear.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Self Doubt vs 20/20 Hindsight Vision

2010-09-12T23:21:00.000+02:00

It is so hard sometimes to know what is the "right" decision.

Should I go to the hospital?

Will I get back home in time?

Should I let my Mother in Law pick up the kids and take them to my Sister in Law's, where they could spend the holiday with their granparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins?

What if she do not get home in time?

What if we do get home in time?

What is best for the kids?

What is best for the family?

What is best for me?

Well, it is after the fact.

We got home in time, so it was good that we had the kids stay.

I feel a lot better, so it is good that I went to the hospital.

We made it home before sh'kiyah (sunset, after which time we are not permitted to drive), so it was okay that we left the hospital when we did.

But when we made each of these difficult decisions, we did not know what the outcome would be.

Wouldn't it be great to know in advance that everything would work out in the end?

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

If You Can't Take the Heat.... Maybe You Need to Go to the Hospital

2010-09-11T22:11:00.000+03:00

Wednesday, the plan was to cook. My youngest daughter planned a menu of delicious recipes, and I was to be her assistant.

But when I woke up, standing on my feet for just a few minutes wore me out. I had to go back to bed.

I did not feel well.

As the day progressed, I was not getting any better.

I began to worry... a lot. I had absolutely no strength for anything. I did not feel sick, but I certainly did not feel healthy. I could not move. I could not eat. I could not even drink. My body hurt. My muscles hurt. Even breathing hurt.

Moshe contacted my oncologist for me. My doctor agreed that going to the hospital sounded like the right course of action.

It took a while to get out of the house, but we went, leaving behind a house that was no where near ready for a three day chag (holiday).

I got to the hospital and I could not even sit up for triage. I went straight in to the ER nurse, told her I am an oncology patiend and need to lie down. The nurse set me up on a bed right away, and she did my intake.

First, I told her how awful I felt. Second, I asked if I would make it home for Yom Tov (the holiday).

One of the things I love most about Israel is that even the hospital staff "get it;" they understand that you can be falling off your feet, but you want to be home with your family to celebrate the new year.

Everyone on staff worked hard to make that happen.

I received two liters of fluids and a half liter of blood. As the last few drops were flowing, they sent my husband to check out. As he completed the paperwork, the nurses detached me from the IV, then we "ran" to the car.

We got home two minutes before sh'kiyah (sunset), to find the food cooked and on the plata (hot plate), and the table set.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Happy Little Home-Maker

2010-09-07T23:46:00.000+03:00

I am so impressed by my youngest daughter.

A few months ago, one of her good friends from school gave my daughter a really nice cookbook for her Bat Mitzvah.

My daughter decided she wanted to prepare our meals for the holiday. She carefully went through her cookbook and chose the recipes she wished to prepare. With a little teamwork, Moshe and I convinced her to settle on two main dishes and two appetizers.

On Sunday, I helped her prepare a shopping list. On Monday, our friend who shops for us, took her shopping to pick up the ingredients she needs. Today, Tuesday, she started cooking.

Since I was too tired to help much today, my daughter chose to start with a simple, but very time consuming, recipe; we both felt she could probably make it on her own.

She made Sambusas -- dough filled pastries.

The filling came out amazing and the Sambusas look great. They do not seem to have puffed up as we expected, and we are not quite sure why. Nevertheless, my daughter tasted one and they taste good.

Pretty impressive for her first dish!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Angels, Shoulder Pain, & Shiatsu

2010-09-06T11:04:00.000+03:00

Sunday morning, I woke up with excruciating pain in my right shoulder, different from any pain I experienced before. The focal point of the pain was deep inside my shoulder, and the deeper I inhaled the more it hurt. The pain felt like muscle pain, and I hoped it would work itself out during the course of the day. Meanwhile, I concentrated on slow, shalow breathing.

I slept almost all day, partially because I felt so tired and weak, and partially to escape the pain.

Nothing changed.

Midday, I contacted my friend who does Shiatsu. She had quite a busy day, and asked if I would be up for a treatment in the evening. Desperate, I told her she should come whenever she could and I would make it work.

I spent the afternoon helping my youngest daughter, who is really into cooking, go over what she wants to prepare for Rosh HaShannah, make a shopping list, and study for her math test the next day. I do not know from where she gets her enthusiams about cooking, but I am trying to encourage her and be supportive. She would rather cook than do math; I would rather do math than cook! I really enjoyed helping her with math, but we did not have a chance to finish before she had to leave for gymnastics.

Then my son came home. One moment he behaved so charmingly, the next moment he snapped at me, then he again acted like a perfect gentleman, then he bit my head off, and so on. I had promised to help him make his lunch, and I was determined to fulfill my promise. Waking up in the morning to make sandwiches for/with him is just too much for me. I cannot do it.

My eldest daughter behaved pretty much the same as my son: pleasant one moment, harsh and critical the next.

My kids completely wore me out!

I could not deal with any more stress.... I escaped into my bedroom.

A few minutes later, my angel friend callled: "Are you still up for a treatment?" she asked, ever so sweetly.

We usually do shiatsu in my living room, but I really needed a break from my kids, so she treated me on my bed.

For the first time all day, I felt some relief.

When she finished, I did not want to move. I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

At one point, Moshe woke me and asked me if I felt comfortable the way I was lying. I shifted to a more comfortable position, closed my eyes, and resumed my slumber. Though I woke up briefly a few more times, I quickly returned to sleep, and slept deaply until the morning.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In addition to practicing Shiatsu professionally, Idit volunteers her services to me and to the Yuri Stern Foundation.

Idit has a wonderful, warm, and relaxing treatment room in her home.
For regular treatments or to treat yourself to something special:
Idit Amir
077-757-8949
052-660-8442
Idit Amir amir.idit@gmail.com

Missing Blog Post

2010-09-05T21:19:00.005+03:00

Anyone have any idea about how to find a blog post that seems to have disappeared?

I could swear I wrote one on Sunday night and it has vanished.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Tough Times

2010-09-04T23:03:00.000+03:00

Summer is over, and I have been having a tough time.

Thank God, I had the strength to do things with my kids. We all really had a great summer.

That said, I spent most of my time in bed.

I am still trying to find the right balance of pain meds. This Thursday, I consulted with the pain specialist at my hospital and he said I should up the dose of my pain patch by 50%. I will try it, starting tomorrow, when I switch the patch.

Meanwhile, I am so tired, I just want to sleep all day long. I read a bit here and there, and then I am ready to go back to sleep.

The cancer makes me tired. The chemo makes me tired. The pain makes me tired. The pain meds make me tired. My kids make me tired. Doing everything makes me tired. Doing anything makes me tired.

Complain, complain, complain.....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Hitchayvut from Hell

2010-09-03T16:22:00.000+03:00

In order to receive medical care, our health funds need to provide us with a "hitchayvut," a document committing to pay for the process.

For most procedures, this is a fairly benign procedure, that is time consuming and annoying, but straightforward and not difficult.

It is a bit more complex when applying for some of the more expensive procedures, like a CT or MRI.

Sometimes, the health fund refuses coverage, but usually overturns the decision on appeal.

Recently, they continually refused to cover an MRI of my hip. First they insisted I do a CT, until I provided them with the documentation that I already did a CT. Then we sent another letter explaining that an orthopedist, who specialized in orthopedic oncology (or oncological orthopedics), requested the MRI, since the CT showed nothing. The orthopedist wanted to verify that their are no hairline fractures, and felt an MRI might provide us with more information.

It took three months to get an MRI appointment, I thought I would receive a hitchayvut in plenty of time.

Instead, it took three months of arguing with the health fund, with the dedicated help of my GP and his staff.

As the appointment approached, I got increasingly anxious.

At one point, I had this crazy conversation with my GP and my oncologist -- both who were convinced they understood the other. My GP explained that my oncologist no longer thought the MRI was necessary, and my oncologist was convinced that my GP was working on getting the approval.

I begged my oncologist to write another letter, which I then sent to my GP, who sent it in and.... got approval for the MRI, the DAY BEFORE my appointment!!

What a relief!!

My doctor's office sent the hitchayvut to the hospital. I called to confirm the hospital received it. They did.

BUT.....

"The code is wrong," Sharon told me. "It should be Code 73721, for your "perek yerech" (hip)."

I panicked.

I called my doctor's office. The secretaries promised to take care of it. I would have to wait until the offices of the health fund re-opened for their afternoon hours.

Worse case scenario: I could leave a check deposit and they would work out the details afterwards. The check would not even be deposited.

An hour, or so later, a representative from the health fund called me.

"The code is fine," she told me. "The code is for your "agan" (pelvis) and your doctor's referal is for an MRI of your pelvis. Everything is in order."

I breathed a sigh of relief and finally fell into a deep sleep. My appointment was at midnight, and I needed to get some rest.

Big mistake. I should have called the hospital again... (hindsight vision is always 20-20)

At a quarter to midnight, I arrived at the hospital and went to register for my appointment.

They could not find the hitchayvut.

I told them that I had confirmed that afternoon that the hitchayvut was there. They looked. And looked. The did not find it.

Someone else looked. And looked. And looked. He started checking even those unlikely places....

And he found it.

I was so grateful.

I really did not want to leave a check deposit. That would be just one more thing to follow up....

The MRI staff took me in right away.

They did not fight with me when I insisted that the technician use the smallest needle they have (the yellow one they use for babies!)

Then, they lay me down on the MRI machine. I was so exhausted from the ordeal that, despite the loud banging of the MRI, I fell into a deep sleep.

After the MRI, the technician came to remove the IV.

She noticed that I was scratching my arm, and gave me a funny look.

"Do you itch?" she asked, still giving me that strange look.

I had not noticed.

I paused for a few moments... then I noticed. I itched all over.

She quickly gave me two pills (4 mg) of ahisten, an antihistamine.

She kept asking me if it was difficult for me to breathe.

Breathing was not a problem, but I defnitely itched.

"You are allergic to the contrast material," she declared, writing out a note.

She debated whether she should send me to the emergency room. If she did, I would be there all night.

We waited another ten minutes. I still itched. I had no problems breathing.

I went home.

I really did not want to stay.

What a night!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel. With love and optimism, RivkA

Tests (Medical Updates)

2010-09-01T10:37:00.010+03:00

Last night I had an MRI of my brain, to see how the tumors in my brain responded to the stereotactic radiosurgery that I had three months ago (you can read more about that experience here (1), here(2) , and here (3)).

Tonight, I have an MRI of my right hip, to verify that there is not hairline fracture or anything else that might be causing the pain in my hip and thigh. Even though an oncological orthopedist (or is he an orthopedic oncologist?) requested the test, the health fund did not agree to cover it. The health fund wanted me to image the area with a regular CT, but we did that aly My GP is a miracle man. After three months, he finally got the health fund to approve coverage, just a few hours before my appointment!

I have to make an appointment for an ECHO, to check that my heart is not being damaged from the various chemotherapies. Hopefully, I will be able to get an appointment for tomorrow, when I have to be at the hospital anyway. More importantly, I want to schedule the test with the technician who is gentle and never hurts me when she does the test.

In another two weeks (exactly three weeks after my third dose of Doxil, and one week before I am scheduled to receive my fourth dose), I have a full PET scan to see what influence the Doxil and Herceptin are having on my cancer.

In brief, this month is full of tests that will, hopefully, give us an up-to-date picture of what is going on in my body.

Oh, joy.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Crossing Over to the Other Side

2010-09-01T00:58:00.000+03:00

I finally succumbed to all the pressure and added supplements to my diet.

My youngest daughter, who is our milkshake maven, makes me a special "Ima milkshake" with about a third of a can of Ensure.

I can drink a large cup of milkshake every day or two.

I also have a powder supplement, that I got from friends. I need to figure out how much to add to make a tasty milkshake.

It is difficult for me, emotionally, to be adding these supplements to my diet. But I need to find some solution to being so weak and tired. I know that I am not eating enough and if supplementing my diet will help, then I have to do it.

I started supplementing, here and there, about two weeks ago.

I have not yet noticed a difference in my energy level.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

School has Started!

2010-08-30T23:36:00.002+03:00

My eldest started last Thursday, and my other two started on Sunday.

I got all their school supplies and have almost finished gathering all their school books. Most of the school books we either had or are borrowing from friends. There are still a few that we will have to buy. I still need to ask a friend to actually go and get those for me, but I am waiting to be certain of what we need, so we only have to go to the bookstore once!

So far, everyone seems to be settling in. Even the madhouse morning rush seems to be under control.

My sweet son asked for me to make his lunches for him again, this year.

It is too much for me to do it all year long. But I told him I would make his lunches in the morning for the first week of school, then I would make his lunches *with him* in the evenings during the second week of school. After that, he would have to make his lunches in the evening on his own (though I will help him if he needs/wants it, within reason). He agreed. I am cautiously optimistic that we can make this transition smoothly.... (PLEASE, God!!)

Moshe has been driving the kids to school in the mornings, which is very positive for all around. My son, who mainly rides his bike to and from school, also benefits from this arrangement. My son loads his bike onto the car; Moshe drives him to the top of our hill, which is long and steep; then our son rides the rest of the way to school. It cuts out the worst/hardest part of the bike ride, but still allows our son to benefit from the excersize of bike riding, and the freedom after school to ride wherever he wants.

Our youngest began a new school this year and is feeling more comfortable, with each day that passes. She bravely chose a school that was clearly the best choice for her, but to which NOT ONE of her friends chose to attend. She is excited to be learning with her previous drama teacher (who really is fantastic) and there is even a chance that she will continue learning with her previous English teacher (of whom we are also big fans). So far, her mechanechet (main teacher) and her class seems nice, but it is really too early to tell.

Our eldest is getting used to some of the changes in her school. She loved her mechanechet for 9th and 10th grade, but they get a new mechanechet for 11th and 12th. Her new teacher is actually one of the top women educators in Jerusalem, but I am not sure my daughter appreciates that yet. I, on the other hand, am thrilled (and jealous!). She also has a new math teacher, about which we are less excited, but still cautiously optimistic. Her previous math teacher really suited her, and that is no small feat! Our daughter just need to pass the next two units of her bagrut (matriculation) exams and then she is finished with math classes forever.

The best news is that due to a scheduling conflict between her two majors, theater and art, she might be able to just take the art workshops, which really excite her, and not art history, which interests her, but not as much.

So, our year opens with lots of potential and we pray that we will all make it a good year!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Age Before Beauty

2010-08-27T11:12:00.003+03:00

Wednesday night, my son had difficulty falling asleep, so he came into my bedroom for a late-night chat.

We were joking about this and that, when my son suggested:

"Ima, you should wear a wig."

"Why?" I asked him, wondering why he suddently made that suggestion.

"Because it's pretty," he answered, with a sweet smile.

After a pause, he added: "...but you should get older first."

I looked at him curiously.

"Because 'age comes before beauty'," he said, with a twinkle in his eye and laughter on his lips.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Chemo Day -- Herception, Doxil, Blood & More

2010-08-26T22:17:00.001+03:00

I knew today would be a bit crazy, I just did not realized how crazy it would get.

The day started out in a fairly benign way. There was some crisis at the hospital, earlier this morning, so my meeting with the oncologist began an hour late. But the meeting itself was fairly straightforward. We addressed my long list of questions, scheduled a bunch of tests, and had a physical exam.

During the meeting, one of the nurses came in and hooked me up to the Herceptin. And so the day began....

On my way to relax in the day room, Moshe approached me in a panic.

"They can't find it," he told me, with a worried look on his face.

The insurance company, which provides the actual Doxil for me, had called yesterday to inform Moshe that the Doxil was at the hospital since Tuesday.

Only, it turns out that they, in fact, had not delivered the Doxil on Tuesday, nor on Wedneday, nor today.

God bless my husband, he stressed out about the problem, but he fixed it all on his own, which was not quick or simple. I did not have to worry about anything, because he took care of me.

I do not tell him often enough how much I value and appreciate the way he looks after me. On the flip side, I am quick to comment when he falls short, which is just not a good attribute on my part. I am working on changing this, but the change is slow.

Once everything fell into place, Moshe hurried off to work, much later than he expected.

To my great surprise and pleasure, LS, who had to do something that morning at the hospital, came to visit me and ended up spending the day with me. The day ended up being much longer than I expected, and she helped me with all sorts of little details and necessary errands. Moreover, she provided wonderful company, and made the time pass much more pleasantly.

Moshe had fixed the glitch so well, that I was able to start the Doxil as soon as I finished receiving the Herceptin. In theory, I could have gotten out of the hospital at a decent hour. In practice, there is always someone who throws a wrench into the works... One of the nurses told me that my counts were low again and I would need to come in next week to receive another portion of blood.

I really did not want to come in next week. I asked to get the blood today, but the nurse insisted there would not be enough time today.

Never someone to take "no" for an answer without trying to find a way around it, I asked (read: begged) one of the other nurses to help see if I could get the blood today.

As is, next week I have an MRI of my head on Tuesday, an MRI of my right hip on Wednesday (if I get approval from my health fund in time), and my bone drug on Thursday. Three days at the hospital is enough for one week!

Also, though the promise that the blood will help with my energy level did not pan out the last time, I really hoped that this time the blood would help restore some of my energy,

With the help of this other nurse, and of my friend, LS, who ran around the hospital helping the process move along, we managed to get the blood in time.

The infusion finally finished around 4:15.

I walked out of the hospital at 4:30.

I had accomplished quite a bit. In addition to the chemo and the socializing, I mended two pairs of pants for Moshe, and a handbag for me.

I also drank two cups of pea soup, a cup and a half of iced coffee, at least a liter of water, downed several Percocets, and found a friend to pick me up and take me home.

Not bad, for a 7 ½ hour day at the hospital!

I was ready for a nap!

However, after being out all day, my youngest, who had been home, on her own, for several hours, needed some attention. So, I kept her company while she ate. To her chagrin, while I sat with her, I also helped eat most of her mango.... (she offered to share with me, but had not intended to share quite that much.)

After lunch, we sat on the couch and, in response to her lunchtime request, I told her the story of how Moshe and I got married. She knew most of the story, but wanted to hear it again. I think she appreciated the story even more, this time around.

Afterwards, I headed towards my room, and my bed. Somehow, I got distracted along the way, and got sidetracked sorting through school books.

Eventually, I could not stand on my feet any longer. I headed off to bed.

I am beat!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

I'm Better Now

2010-08-25T15:32:00.001+03:00

Sorry, did not mean to cause a stir...

I feel like I am living out some sort of bad Monty Python skit.

Scene1: we see an old lady, lying in bed, twisting and turning, and screaming in pain

Scene 2: we see the same old lady, skipping through the park, waving her arms, and singing. As she is skipping along, she meets her physician, and the following dialogue takes place:

Doctor: I thought you were dying?
Old Lady: I was.
Dramatic Pause - Doctor looks confused
Old Lady: ....I got better*

OK, so I am not old, and I am not skipping through the park, but I am no longer trying to escape from my body either.

I am still in pain, and we are going to up the pain meds, again.

But I did not need to panic....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

*For those who don't get/remember the reference:

Peasant: She turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant: ... I got better.
— Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Agony

2010-08-25T13:11:00.000+03:00

I think I must have forgotten to switch my pain patch.

I usually record the change in my yoman (diary), but I did not record anything on Monday, when I should have put on a new patch.

Last night, I had to take two Percocets, so that I could fall asleep, and today, I have taken two Percocets another two or three times. I have lost count.

Meanwhile, I put on a new pain patch. They take about 12 hours to "kick in."

I am in such excruciating pain. I just want to crawl out of my body!

I have so much to do today, for my kids, and I cannot do anything. I hurt so much that my brain is fuzzy -- not drugged out, just overwhelmed by pain. I just want to cry. I need to escape from this pain. It is so debilitating!

I do not even feel like talking, and I always feel like talking!

I used to think I was so tough, but I have such a hard time tolerating pain.

I am not so tough.

I want my mommy.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping with the Kids-- Day 3

2010-08-24T11:18:00.004+03:00

After Wednesday's brutal heat, I wanted to make sure that our belongings were packed and loaded onto the car well before the day got hot.

We needed to leave by 12:00, so we aimed to leave at 10:00. We probably could have left later, but we wanted to get home with plenty of spare time for my youngest to get ready and get to her friend's Bat Mitzvah.

My youngest woke up on her own and took an early morning dip before the rest of us opened our eyes. I got up next and then my son. I let her sleep a little longer, but once I had packed up all my belongings, we needed to wake my eldest, so both she and her sister could pack up their belongings. Also, we needed to pack up the tent, which is one of the first items we needed to load into the car.

Even once everyone was up and moving, they were not moving fast.

The kids did not seem to grasp the urgency of the situation.

I felt like a broken record, repeating over and over: "we need to get the car loaded before it gets hot, and we do not have much time!"

The early morning hours are fairly cool, but that does not last long. I knew that once the sun rose a bit higher, we would lose all our shade and we would start feeling weighed down by the heat. If that happened, packing up would become a nightmare.

I managed to get everyone moving, but they were slow. My friend, who must be an angel, offered to help us pack up. She and her kids really pitched in and helped. Once they joined us, we had ten pairs of hands at work! All of a sudden, everyone was working and none of my kids (or hers) complained about anything. The cooperation was amazing!! We were finished pakcing in a matter of minutes!

My friend had a big tiyul day planned with her kids. My kids were ready to go home.

We pulled out of the campsite at 9:30, earlier than we had planned, but more than ready to be on our way.

I decided to treat my kids, and myself, to ice coffee. We stopped at Tzomet Tzemach to pick up the ice coffee, and then drove straight to Jerusalem.

We could not agree about what music to play, so we did not play anything and spent the ride talking, joking, and laughing.

Along the way, the kids all expressed that they had a good time and were glad we went camping together. Their appreciation made all my efforts worthwhile.

Everyone was tired when we got home, but all the kids pitched in and unloaded the car in record time. I loved seeing them work together!

I think the ride home was my favorite part of the trip.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping with the Kids -- Day 2

2010-08-23T14:50:00.005+03:00

Day 1 clarification: we started our BBQ around 9:30, not midnight
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite loud, obnoxious music until around 4:00 in the morning, the night passed peacefully enough. We were all so tired, we slept through all the noise. I will never understand Israelis who blast music from their cars when they go camping!

In the morning, my tent felt a bit too stifling, so I moved a mizron shetach (camping mat) and my sleeping bag into the area between the two sections of the large tent, where the shade from the awning kept the air cool, and continued sleeping. People were already stirring all around us, but my crew slept on, oblivious to the activity around them. We all woke at our own pace.

Our morning passed without much ado. My two younger kids ate leftover BBQ food for breakfast. Only when camping can someone eat a hotdog or hamburger for breakfast! I made do with a couple of slices of apple, which my friend had left over.

Then the kids went to wade in the Kinneret.

Though we had emphasized finding a beach with a lifeguard, the lifeguarded area was a short way away, and the lifeguard wouldn't even be there until 8:30. I let my kids go wading together. Both are strong swimmers, and neither intended to swim out into the middle of the lake. After a while, I joined them.

By the time my eldest woke up, it was time for lunch. We had yummy brown bread and pastrama (Turkey Cold Cuts), which I had brought with us. By "we," I mean "my kids." I just sat and kept them company, and drank a lot of water.

After lunch, we all went back into the water.

At one point, my son wandered off on his own. We could see him, hunched over, wading by the reeds. After a while, he called out "I caught a fish!" He rejoined us, holding his hands just below the surface of the water. Sure enough, cupped in his hands, was a fish, about the size of a finger. I touched it. It felt wierd, and cold. My youngest daughter also wanted to hold the fish. She laughed as it tickled her hands with its fins. She passed the fish back to my son, who released it moments later.

My eldest found the idea of touching a fish repulsive.

Periodically, a dead fish would float by. We all agreed that was gross. At one point, several dead fish floated by; I found that rather off-putting. I had enough; I left my kids to continue romping in the water without me.

About an hour later, they had enough as well.

We all showered off, but remained in our swimsuits.

At around 2:30 in the afternoon, we tried to rest. The heat was overbearing.

By 3:00 in the afternoon, the heat and humidity was unbearable. We wet ourselves in the shower, so the warm breeze could cool us off -- God's own air-conditioning. When we dried off, we wet ourselves again. Rinse, cool off, dry out, rinse again. Repeat as needed. We did this for several hours.

At around 5:00, the air started to cool down, ever so slightly. From 5:00 to 7:00, the was also a very strong breeze. Our large tent knocked over, and I tore it a bit on the seem when I tried to set it upright.

We all were just waiting to go to supper at The Pagoda, where there would be air-conditioning! We had a reservation for 8:00.

Our friends from Sde Eliyahu decided to join us for dinner. They picked us up on the way, so I would not have to drive. At The Pagoda, the AC area was not that cool, but it was crowded and noisy. The host suggested we might be more comfortable in an area outside that was more secluded and cooled by dessert coolers. We checked it out and all agreed to eat there. My youngest, who is the most heat sensistive, like her father, sat directly in front of the two large fans/coolers.

The food was so delicious... and I could not eat it. For weeks, I anticipated savoring their wonderful soup and eggrolls. We ordered three different types of soups and I had a bit of each. That was it. I was done. I had one small fried wonton, and could barely manage that. I could not even take a bite of an eggroll. I watched as my family and friends enjoyed their meals. I tasted a few pieces of crispy duck, but could not eat any more than that. I did manage to eat a few bites of fried banana for dessert, but it was hardly satisfying. At least my kids enjoyed the meal! I did feel pleasure and satisfaction watching them relish their meal so much. That would have to be enough.

When we returned to our campsite, it was still hot.

My son informed his sister that he intended to sleep in his hammok that night. I had hoped to sleep in the hammok, but I did not want to insist on it I decided to sleep in his tent, but then my youngest daughter asked if she could sleep in his tent; I deferred to her. My eldest wanted to convince her siblings to let me sleep where I would be most comfortable, but I assured her that I would be fine and did not mind letting the kids sleep where they preferred.

In the end, my eldest and I slept side by side, under the awning between the large tents. We spoke for a few minutes, before drifting off to sleep.

It was hot.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

12th Night in Gan HaPa'amon

2010-08-22T11:43:00.001+03:00

Shakespeare in the park for FREE!

Second showing tomorrow (Monday) at 5:30.

Don't be late.

They started on time on Sunday!

Thanks to my sister for encouraging us to attend and for bringing a chair for me!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping with the Kids -- Day 1

2010-08-21T23:45:00.001+03:00

In the best of circumstances, getting out of the house on time is not one of my strong attributes.

I had hoped to depart for our camping trip sometime mid-morning on Tuesday.

Since Sunday, my eldest daughter had been camping by the Kinneret, with her friends. She and I had considered meeting by the Kinneret. When it became clear that I would not get up north until at least the afternoon, she decided to join her friends, who were returning to Jerusalem, and then drive up again with the family.

That meant a lot of extra travelling:  she would travel for 3 hours by public transportation, be home for about an hour, then travel with us an additional 2 hours by car, ending up almost exactly where she left, 6 hours earlier!

When my daughter arrived home, she felt, not surprisingly, completely drained and exhausted. Only the promise of going out to her favorite restaurant, The Pagoda, in Tiveria (Tiberias) excited her. Our family loves The Pagoda, and I had already made a reservation, because the last time we wanted to go, you had to make reservations 2-3 DAYS in advance!

Truth be told, I was happy to have her with us for the drive up. I really wanted this to be a family experience, and getting there (and back) is part of the experience.

I had also expected her help packing up and loading the car, but it became clear, when she fell asleep on a chair, that she would not be able to help much on this side of the journey.

Both of my younger kids were amazingly helpful packing the car. My son got to climb onto the roof of the car to help strap our bags to the roofrack, which we borrowed for the trip (thanks SS!!); he liked that part!  In the past, when we went camping, we usually had to stuff the car to the gills, piling our things on the back seat and practically burying the kids. The roofrack made a huge difference; this time, we had plenty of room in the car!

When I still thought we would be leaving early, I planned on visiting my friend from Sde Eliyahu on the way up, since we would be passing right by her kibbutz. I figured it would be a good place for a pit-stop, and maybe we would even join her for lunch.

Hah!

We finally left home at around 6:00 in the evening. We were not going to stop anywhere.

We actually made good time. We were out of the city by 6:15 and met our friends at Tzomet Tzemach (Tzemach Junction) at around 8:00. We passed Sde Eliyahu around 7:30, but we were in a "do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars" mode, as we were already late to meet our friends.

When my kids realized we were meeting friends, they protested that this was supposed to be a family vacation. They mellowed out a bit when I explained that my friend, IEM, was the catalyst for this vacation. She had called me to ask if I wanted to join her on a camping trip and then I asked the kids if they wanted to go. If it were not for her, I never would have planned this trip! I also explained that while we would be sleeping at the same site, in the end we would each be with our own families during the day, since her family would be going on tiyulim and ours would be hanging out on the Kinneret. That last bit of information confirmed for my kids that we really would be spending the time together.

Once again, I felt so blessed to have three teenagers who chose to spend the day hanging out with their siblings and their mother. God is so good to me!!

At Tzemach, we found our friends, snagged a table with some light, and perused the maps, trying to figure out what we were doing and where we were going to sleep.

Several friends had recommended campsites in the area, ranging from 60-100 NIS per night, per car.

We chose to camp at Yarden-Kinneret, which was the closest, provided the opportunity to swim in both the Kinneret and the Jordan river, and, we thought, cost 80 NIS per night, per car.

WRONG.

The Yarden-Kinneret campsite charges 110 for 24 hours and 150 for 32 hours.  Even though it was after midnight, two nights would be around 36 hours. That extra four hours would cost us an extra 70 shekels! And there were no lifeguards at either of the waterfronts.  The guard offered to charge us 200 NIS instead of 220, but we decided to move on. For that price, we at least wanted a lifeguard.

We headed towards a beach that cost 60 NIS, when I saw a sign for a beach that charged only 55 NIS per night!   We pulled in to check it out. They had everything we needed: bathrooms, showers, and a lifeguard! They even had trees.

We had a minor upset when we chose a place that was too close to other people for one of my children, who wanted to be far away from civilization. There were more remote campsites, but I needed to be close to the bathrooms and I wanted to set up camp next to one of the palm trees, so we would have some shade during the day. With the help of the other kids, we resolved our crisis and decided to stay. When we went to pay, I saw a more isolated spot, and we all agreed it would be perfect for us!

I knew the melt-down happened because we were all hungry.

As soon as we chose our spot, the kids set up camp and my friend and I cooked supper.

My family brought two tents. For my girls and I, we brought a large tent that had two separate rooms with an awning between them, one side of the covered area was closed, and the other side had a flap that could be zippered shut on either side or rolled up, leaving the area open, yet shaded.

My son really wanted to bring his four-person tent, since it packed up almost as small as his two person tent, but gave him a lot more room. When he showed me the packed tents, side by side, I let him choose which to bring; he was so happy setting up his larger tent.

Would that all our conflicts could be resolved so easily.

When I started cooking our food, my son worried that we did not have enough, since I "only" bought one package of hamburgers and hot dogs. He wanted kababs too.  I kept explaining that we were not that many people (my friends ate vegetarian hot dogs), so he would have to settle for less variety. He would not accept the limited menu; he really wanted kabas as well. I knew his hunger was talking and that he would mellow out once he had some food inside, which he did. In the end, we had plenty of leftovers, so he had to admit that we had enough food. (Though he would have eaten kababs, if they were available!)

Once everyone ate, the kids were ready to rest! My son asked if I would like to play a game of chess before going to sleep. I felt pretty tired, but how could I say no?

It turns out, our mini chess set only has backgammon pieces! We were both pretty disappointed, since it would have been simple to bring chess pieces with us. Nevertheless, we made the best of our situation and played several games of backgammon. We had fun playing together.

My youngest daughter found it stifling in the tent and had a tough time falling asleep. My son generously suggested that she sleep in his hammock. Within minutes, she fell fast asleep.

I stayed up a bit longer than I should have, talking with my friend, but I am glad we had that time together. She is my oldest friend in the world (we have been friends since we are seven!), but I rarely get to see her since we do not live close to each other.

The air was heavy, but I enjoyed an occasional gust of cool air. Before long, I drifted off to sleep....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Red Hands

2010-08-20T14:45:00.000+03:00

My third chemo (Taxotere) turned my nails blue.

My fifth chemo (Doxil), the one I am on now, is turning my hands red!

My hands and feet have been chapped, almost since I started this new treatment. The fourth chemo (Xeloda) also made my skin dry, especially my hands and feet; I often suffered from cracks in my skin, in my fingers and heals, which took a long time to heal. When I stopped taking the Xeloda, all my wounds healed within days (maybe weeks.... I do not remember exactly how long it took).

Now my skin is chapped, very red, and, in places, peeling. When we were in the Kinneret, my foot brushed up against a stone,and I ended up with a 2 cm wound on my heal.

I am trying to remember to apply lotion several times a day. This sounds easy, but since I am not in the habit of putting on lotion, it is difficult for me to remember to apply lotion even once a day!

I do not need to use any special type of lotion, just regular moisterizer, of which I have plenty!

When I apply moisterizer regularly, the difference is dramatic. My skins get smoother, and some of the redness goes away.

Lately, I have not been dilligent about using lotion as often as I should. I have been busy, and have not had time to sit down, rub in the skin cream, and wait until my skin absorbed all the lotion.

Last night, I paid the piper. My hands felt like they were on fire.

In the middle of the night, I had to apply hand cream several times.

This morning, I applied lotion four times. My hands look almost normal.

I should have been born a princess, with maidservants to annoint my hands and feet every few hours!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping with the Kids

2010-08-19T23:50:00.001+03:00

We are home! It is great to be home!

I thought I would crash as soon as we got here. However, once I showered, I felt refreshed and able to unpack a bit and direct the kids a bit. I even watched a movie with my eldest.

We all had a good time on our trip. I hope to write more about the experience tomorrow, when my eyes are not drooping as I type.

I think I enjoyed the ride home the most. Since we could not agree about what CD to play, we agreed that we would not tturn on the music. In the end, we talked, joked, and laughed the whole way home.

Did you know that "it is easier to clean a sheet than a supermarket"?

(don't worry, you won't think that is funny. it's an "inside joke" for my kids... if they ever read this.)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

I Will Survive

2010-08-17T14:01:00.001+03:00

If I am this tired before we have even left the house, how am I ever going to manage???

The trip is actually going to be much shorter than I anticipated because we are leaving later than I originally planned and we are returning earlier than I hoped, because my youngest has a Bat Mitzvah on Thursday afternoon (unless I just pop her on a bus and stay an extra night with just my two older kids, which is an option).

Anyway, I have lowered my expectations in accordance with what my kids are telling me. They just care about spending time together. If all we do is hang out on the beach and make a BBQ for supper, they will be happy.

Sounds good to me!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Nutritional Supplements

2010-08-16T20:26:00.006+03:00

During my mother's most recent visit, my mother could not help but notice how little I was eating.

Being a mom, she immediately expressed her concern about the possibility that my being so tired might be connected to malnutrition.

My husband has had the same concern for several months now.

I blew them both off, joking about all the weight I can afford to lose.

But I do not have as much to lose as before. I can easily drop another 5 kilo, and even another 10, but not more than that. It will not be long before I must eat more calories.

Of course, there is the very real question about whether or not I am suffering from malnutrition and whether or not I should be supplementing my diet. I recognize that I probably should be supplementing somehow.

Yet, I have consistently refused to take anything.

I know that my reaction to the idea of taking Ensure is irrational. I cannot help it. Ensure, in my mind, is for sick people who are dying. I cannot bear the idea of swallowing it. I am not sick. I am fine.

Except that I am not fine. I am tired and weak... all the time.

I barely have enough energy to do the bare minimum.

I know that I need more nutrition.

When Taube passed away, her husband offered me her leftover nutritional supplements, various powders to add to food/drink. Reluctantly, I accepted his offer, knowing that, in the not-so-distant future, I would need to supplement my diet.

I always joked that "when I get down to my 'ideal' weight, I will just eat ice cream all day!" Yesterday, a friend took me out for ice cream and I could barely manage to eat anything. The ice cream was too rich and too sweet. I know that ice cream is insufficient nutritionally, but it has protein, calcium and fat. Most important, I like the way it tastes and can always eat it. Until now. Suddenly, even eating ice cream is hard for me. I did share frozen yoghurt blended with fruit, but I could not eat nearly what I used to eat.

For a few days, I was eating more and feeling optimistic that I might be heading in the right direction. But I find myself even less interested in food now than before.

Today, I finally succumbed and took out a packet to make a "milkshake." The "shake" was too sweet, and not to my liking, but I forced myself to drink the whole thing.

I know that one supplemental shake will not affect me significantly, but I really hope I will feel some change in my energy level.

Between the heat, my pain, and general exhaustion, I do not want to move!!

And I expect to take my kids on a 3 day camping trip?! You bet I do!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Making the Effort

2010-08-15T23:16:00.001+03:00

We do our best to attend smachot (celebrations).

Years ago, after attending a friend's funeral, we realized that if we drop everything to attend something so sad, then it is just as important, if not more so, to drop everything in order to attend celebrations.

From that point on, we really made it a priority to attend smachot whenever possible.

That said, over the past few years, we have missed several happy occasions, primarily britot (marking the birth of a son), due to the early hour of the celebration combined with the event being held some distance from our home.

Well, this morning, Moshe's first cousin, RH, celebrated the birth of his first son! Moshe and I agreed that we would make every effort to attend the brit, despite the distance and the early hour.

When we arrived, we really felt that the "new" parents appreciated that we made the effort to attend.

Due to heavy traffic, the trip took much longer than we expected and we arrived a bit late. The family made us feel so welcome and appreciated, that we really we felt it was worth the effort!

The simcha itself was very emotional and moving.

Moshe's cousin and his wife already had four wonderful, healthy daughters. Now, they gave birth to their second set of twins: their fifth daughter and their first son!

The father's father (moshe's uncle) passed away many years ago, when Moshe's cousin was just a little boy, only four years old. Now, Moshe's cousin could name his new son after his father, and his son's grandfather. Everyone had tears in their eyes, when Moshe's cousin spoke about passing on his father's legacy to his newborn son.

We all felt the absense of Moshe's aunt, the "new" grandmother, who could not be at the brit because a different granddaughter (the "new" father's niece) is getting married tomorrow in the US!

Thank God for so many simchas!

The brit was such a meaningful experience. I really appreciate the time we spent with Moshe's cousins; they are all so special. I really feel blessed to have "inherited" such a warm and caring family.

I am so glad we were able to share in this simcha!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Camping at the Kinneret

2010-08-14T23:21:00.002+03:00

I am taking my kids camping.

Call me crazy, but I really want to do it.

What is even more amazing is that they all want to go camping with me!

They want to spend family time together. They do not care about going on hikes or what we do, as long as we do it together.

Did I mention that all three of my kids are teenagers, in the midst of adolescence?!?!

I am so excited about spending time them!

I am a little nervous about doing it all on my own (three adoloescent teenagers, and all that...), but there really is no other option.

Moshe is not coming. He hates camping. He will be much happier at home and at work, where he has air conditioning. He is happy for us to go, but he has absolutely no desire to join us.

When we first had kids, I used to drag Moshe camping with us. Eventually, since he hated camping so much, we just stopped going altogether. Two years ago, we found the Pesach/Jugglers' Convention solution, whereby the kids and I go camping at Sachneh, and Moshe sleeps a 10 minute drive away, at our friends who, of course, have air conditioning. The Sachneh solution seems to work, but it is not enough.

The kids and I still want to camp during summer vacation. For various reasons, a family camping trip during the last few summers just was not possible. Yet, despite the recent progression of my cancer and our youngest daughter's Bat Mitzvah, I realized we could, at least in theory, go camping this summer.

Moshe and I discussed it. We decided that Moshe would hold down the fort while I take the kids off into the wild blue yonder.

This summer has been particularly challenging for me. As our camping dates approached, I wondered if my pain would be controlled enough for me to swing this adventure. I have been praying, every night, that I will be able to do it. Meanwhile, I am pushing forward, full steam ahead.

I scheduled this trip with the kids over a month ago. Good thing we planned in advance, because these were the ONLY days that all three kids would be free at the same time all summer!

We originally planned to drive up north on Tuesday morning, and camp for 3 or 4 days, until Thursday or Friday. We decided to be spontaneous and decide on the spot whether or not to stay the extra day.

Wrong! Our time is not as free as we thought. My youngest daughter just informed me that she has a Bat Mitzvah on Thursday night. So there is no longer a third night/fourth day option. We will return to Jerusalem on Thursday, so my daughter can attend her friend's Bat Mitzvah.

Meanwhile, we still need to decide where we are camping.

My kids are pretty set on the idea of camping at the Kinneret.

Many friends encouraged me to travel further north, where it might be cooler. I do not really want to drive that far on my own. Even more so, I am determined to camp on the Kinneret because that is where my kids want to go.

Now we just have to decide WHERE on the Kinneret to camp.

Any suggestions?

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Perfect Party

2010-08-12T23:36:00.002+03:00

Given that the invitation went out only several hours before the party, I knew that most people would not be able to make it. So I invited the whole world, which was great, since I hate excluding people. I did not have to choose who to include, as circumstance did that for me!

Around 20 friends stopped by over the course of the evening and the dynamic seemed perfect to me

I sat on the couch, like a queen bee, and welcomed my friends.

I even had a chance to talk with all my guests!

I am grateful to all those who made it happen, because I never would have pulled it together, and to everyone who showed up, despite no advance notification. I had a wonderful time!!

Special thanks to Sarah for inspiring the party by celebrating her own Aliyanniversary and to GS for graciously offering to organize and host an Aliyanniversary part for me -- she did everything, all I had to do was show up.

GS also offered to invite all the guests but I figured it would be easier to just post to my list.... It did not seem foolish at the time.

And, speaking of time, I absolutely LOVED the timeline!! (Thanks GS & AZ!!)

I was so weak and tired yesterday, but I am so glad to have marked my "half-life" in Israel and to have shared my celebration with such wonderful friends.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Aliyah Anniversary

2010-08-11T12:01:00.000+03:00

This Wedneday, Rosh Chodesh Elul, I will have lived in Israel for half my life!

I have lived in Jerusalem for longer than I have lived in any other place in the world! (though not necessarily in the same apartment -- the longest I lived in any one residence still remains the house in which I grew up)

Today, Wednesday, August 11th, Rosh Chodesh Elul, a friend is making a party for me!

The only problem is that I forgot to approve the email invitation to my list, so, until a few minutes ago, no one received an invitation to come celebrate with me!

I do not even know who is on that list. I figured I would have a few days to hear back from people and figure out who has heard about the party and if I should call anyone in particular. There will be no time for any of that!

It would be kind of funny if no one turned up!

I am not worried.

Whoever comes, comes.

I would not mind a small get together this year.

If you can't make it this year, mark your calendar for next year.

Next year, Rosh Hodesh Elul, I will be celebrating living in Israel longer than I have lived anywhere else!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Rosh Hodesh at "The Moshav"

2010-08-10T19:17:00.000+03:00

My girlfriend has been trying to get me to join her for Rosh Hodesh at "The Moshav" (Moshav Mavo Modi'in) for years!

She finally found a way. She told the woman who organizes the event about me and then she (the organizer) called and invited me to come speak to the women this Rosh Chodesh (Elul).

My friend offered to drive me there and back.

How could I say no?

So, this morning, still exhausted from my niece's beautiful wedding last night, I went to speak at "The Moshav."

The women were clearly moved by my presentation.

I never saw such strong reactions from so many people.

When I see a response like today's, I know I must be doing something right.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Bat Mitzvah Celebrations -- Seudat Mitzvah (i.e. The Party)

2010-08-10T10:30:00.003+03:00

I just noticed that I never posted what I wrote about my daughter's Bat Mitzvah Seudah (I wrote the post on July 6th!)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We finally got it right (almost).

With each Bat/Bar Mitzvah, we get a little better....

We chose the same hall and the same caterer that we used for our son's Bar Mitzvah. And, as before, we had friends photograph and video the event.

But, this time, we started our presentations earlier and we had a set of dancing before and after the speeches.

In our previous simchas, the dancing never seemed to work out quite right.

This time, my dear friend, Naomi Moss*, coordinated our music and dancing. She is FANTASTIC. She knew just what to play and when. And when the dances were a little more complicated, she got out there on the dance floor and danced with the kids! She even brought a jump-rope with her!

The dancing during the first set was a combination of grown-ups and kids, but after that, the kids took over, as they should!

They lifted my daughter up in a chair, they spun her around with their legs wrapped around her chair, they tossed her in the air with one of the tablecloths, and, of course, they did all these funky dances that kids do at Bar/Bat Mitzvahs in Israel.

My daughter knew some of the dances better than others, but she was out there, dancing her heart out and having a great time.

At the end of the evening, Naomi even played "Erev ba" for my mom (it is my mom's favorite Israeli dance) -- there were not that many of us left to dance, but we enjoyed it nonetheless.

We got lucky this year, because our daughter's birthday fell during the school year, so most of the kids from her class came to celebrate with her. As Israeli kids do, they wrote her a song and sang it for her.

I will write a seperate post about her d'var Torah, which was just so impressive.

I spoke next, with the obligatory embarrassing stories that share some of our daughter's more special moments. Then Moshe, my mom and my dad. Moshe's mom does not like speaking in public and Moshe's dad preferred to speak only at the Shabbat meal.

Another good friend made a Bat Mitzvah cake, with images from the parsha (Balak). My daughter's eye's lit up when she realized the decorations on the cake were images of a donkey and an angel! (if you don't get it, read the parsha).

We even made mazkarot (momentos) this time... though we forgot to put them on the tables! So friend's picked up the slack and distributed them to our guests. We still have more, so let us know if you want a pocket sized copy of Tefillat HaDerech, let us know! (Why we chose that as our mazkeret is a topic for another post, b'li neder)

It was a wonderful evening. We felt surrounded by family and friends. Though there were many smachot that evening, many family and friends, who could not stay for the entire evening, made the effort to at least pop in and wish us a mazal tov.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

* To contact Naomi for your simcha:
Naomi Moss naomi.moss6@gmail.com
02-566-5626
054-542-6562

A Week Away from Home

2010-08-08T23:37:00.002+03:00

My dear, dear friend came to Israel to visit me!

I feel so special and loved.

Her husband, who is also a close friend of ours, could not get away now, so her mother decided to accompany her for this visit. I must admit that I also love my friend's mother, who has always been so warm and embracing. In addtion to being a very intelligent and interesting woman, she has also been very generous and loving to me. Sometimes, I have to stop myself from calling her “mom.”

While they were here, I stayed with them at the hotel. What a treat! We hung out all day, talking and spending time together!

The dynamic with the three of us was very good. We found the right balance between doing things all together and doing things separately. My friend's mom was totally understanding about my friend's and my need to spend some time on our own. Though, almost every morning, I ended up spending time alone with my friend's mother, because my friend needed to sleep even more than I did! There were also a few things that I did on my own (like attending a friend's wedidng), so my friend and her mom also had some time to spend together, just the two of them.

My friend and her mom took two rooms at a Jerusalem hotel and I stayed with my friend in her room. It was so much fun, like going on vacation without any of the headaches. I didn't even have to leave town.

Since our only goal was to spend time together, we did not “overschedule” our time. We took each day “b'easy.” (I bet even you non-hebrew speakers can figure this translation out! We just....“took it easy”)

My friend and I both brought some of our favorite games to play. We also spent several afternoons just hanging out in the pool, treading water or lazing about, hanging onto the wall or sitting on the steps. Being in the water is very pleasant for me. My back always feels better in the water, without any weight on my skeleton.

For the most part, God has been pretty good to me regarding pain. I still hurt a lot, but most of the time the pain was managable and I enjoyed the time with my friend.

I felt really relieved. When she came, I was still pretty much at the peak of my suffering, but the pain patch seemed to be helping and as long as I remembered to treat the breakthrough pain with Percocet, I felt ok.
Before we knew it, the days flew by and her trip came to an end.

We talk on the phone almost every day, but that does not compare to actually being able to see each other!

Before she and her family moved to the US, we used to live a few blocks away from each other and get together several times a week.

I miss her so much!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel. With love and optimism, RivkA

BBQ Get-Away

2010-08-07T23:07:00.000+03:00

Friends invited us for a Thursday night BBQ and then extended the invitation through Shabbat.

I did not sleep much, but I had a great time, stargazing, talking late into the night, playing games during the day, and, of course, eating good food.

I do not know what magic ingredients they used for cooking, but I actually ate real food while we were there.

I even ate meat... and enjoyed it!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Missing Patch

2010-08-06T16:41:00.002+03:00

Last Tuesday night, I had an awful night, waking up constantly from pain and finding it difficult to fall back asleep. Early Wednesday morning, I woke up in excruciating pain. It took over an hour, and several pain killers, until I managed to return to a fitful sleep.

I could barely move on Wednesday; I felt so weak.

I had planned on spending the day doing fun things with my youngest daughter. Instead, I spent the day in bed. We were both very disappointed.

Thursday morning, I went to switch my pain patch (the patch slowly releases pain medication and needs to be switched every three days) and discovered that the 50 mg pain patch had fallen off. Patches come in different sizes and strengths and I am currently wearing a 50 mg patch and a 12.5 mg patch.

No wonder I felt such pain!

I was not receiving most of my pain medication!

I put on the new patches and took a Percocet.

What a difference!

The patches are these small see-through stickers that you stick on your body (I put it in on my upper arm). They look so benign, I wondered how much pain relief they actually provide.

Apparently, the effect of the pain relief patches is quite signifcant!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Saving the Day

2010-08-05T12:42:00.065+03:00

I have been feeling so week and tired lately. No one knows why.

Everyone promised I would feel rejuvinated after receiving two portions of blood.

I do not.

I am still weak and tired.

I could not move on Monday morning. God made a miracle and gave me enough energy so that I could drag myself to the pool and teach on Monday afternoon.

I would have crashed on Monday night, but Monday was my anniversary, so I went with Moshe, as we do every year, to sit in the garden where we were married. It might not seem exciting, but the experience is quite special to us.

Tuesday morning, I would have loved to sleep in, but I really wanted to attend my art class. I actually dragged myself up and out of the house in time to arrive on time.

I just drove down the hill when my phone rang. My eldest daughter, who is a madricha (counselor/advisor) for B'nei Akiva (youth group) had hosted a sleepover for her chanichot (kids) the night before and had woken up early to take them all swimming in the pool in Tekoa (a neighboring town).

"Ima," she began, in a plaintive voice, "the bus did not stop for us and the next bus is in three hours."

I had already entered the traffic circle at the bottom of the hill. I quickly glanced to my right. There stood my daughter, with her chanichot sitting beside her.

My art class began in ten minutes; I had just enough time to drive there. But my daughter had put in so much time and energy to create a fun program for her chanichot; she had no other way to get to the pool.

What could I do?

I drove around the circle and swung by to pick up my daughter and the girls. "Your chariot," I called to her, with a smile.

My daughter showered me with thanks.

"You owe me, big time!" I informed her, explaining, in detail, what I gave up to save her.

"I will try to be extra good for a month!" she pronounced.

"A month does not cover it," I countered.

"Forever?" she questioned sweetly.

"That's more like it," I responded, "From now on, whenever you step out of line, I am just going to say one word..."

After a dramatic pause, I glanced quickly into her eyes, smiled and said... "Tekoa."

My daughter laughed good naturedly as she realized we just added a new code word to our private lexicon.

I joined in her laughter.

Someone once told me that having a private family language is the litmus test for family cohesion. I am not convinced. Still, I love that our family has our own meanings for various words and phrases! (not to mention new words that our kids created!)

I plan to utilize this word to its full capacity! (and she knows it!)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Cut Off From the World

2010-08-04T23:39:00.001+03:00

There is still something wacky going on with our internet and, possibly, my computer.

I have been writing posts, but I cannot connect from my computer, so I cannot even post what I have written.

By the time I sort it all out, there will be no one left to read my blog....

FRUSTRATION!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

I've Come to Suck Your Blood

2010-08-01T11:56:00.000+03:00

My hemoglobin is low, so the oncology nurses told me I need blood.

I am a little freaked out about getting someone else's blood.

If I have to get blood, I would rather get it from someone I know. Apparently, that is way more complicated. So, I am getting blood from some random person.

The nurses assure me that the blood is checked and safe. It is still wierd.

I came in today, Sunday morning, to receive two "portions" of blood.

Freaky.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Crazy Cancer Patient

2010-07-29T23:20:00.002+03:00

Yes, that would be me.

I could barely shuffle down the hall this morning; I was in that much pain.

I arrived at the hospital around 9:00 am. The entire nursing staff took care of me so that I would have time to receive both the Herceptin and the Doxil. They did an amazing job, but it was close to 4:30 pm, by the time I got out of there.

I did manage to schedule a massage, and that helped me immensely. I felt much better afterwards, and I moved easier as well.

I drove straight home, packed up some good food, packed my daughters into the car, and drove to the train station.

Then we took the train to Tel Aviv and saw Carmen in Park HaYarkon.

I got home around 1:30 in the morning!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Aack! I Am Going Through Withdrawal (Humor)

2010-07-25T16:03:00.001+03:00

Aack! I am going through withdrawal!!

Not from the narcotics!!

(What were you thinking?!?)

I am doing fine with the narcotics. In fact, I probably should be taking more of them!

It is hard for me to keep taking more narcotics; they scare me. I KNOW tha people who really need narcotics do not usually get addicted, but I still find them frightening. All those years of “say no to drugs” and all that....

Anyway, drugs aside, I am definitely experiencing withdrawal.

OK, so I do not have the shakes or the shivers. Instead, I have words swirling around my brain and nowhere to put them down.

My internet source has been cut off and I am experiencing cyberspace withdrawal symptoms.

I am spending a few days with a friend and we have no internet access.
Not to worry, I will get hooked up again as soon as I go home.

Meanwhile, at least I got a quick fix (in a restaurant in town)....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Please Pray for: David Yosef ben Faigeh Perel

2010-07-20T13:04:00.002+03:00

It is amazing how we put ourselves at the center of the world, even though we do not always belong there.

When I learned of the terrible accident, all I could think was: I just saw his mother last night at our daughter's Bat Mitzvah celebration.

My friend, who suffers her own health issues, joined us in our simcha, beautiful and laughing, as always. That is what I love most about her. She and I spend most of our time together laughing at life's ironies.

She makes me laugh. She tells it like it is, doesn't whitewash the tough stuff, and won't let anyone around her wallow in self pity. When I feel most down, I call her, and she whips me into shape. She is the strongest woman I know.

And now this.

This thing that, three weeks later, is still too horrible for words.

There is nothing to joke about, nothing to laugh about.

We could laugh at ourselves.

This is not about us.

It is about our kids. It is about her kid, her ~~youngest~~ son.

My friend's ~~youngest~~ 16 year old son is one of those "really good kids," the kind of kid who "makes his momma proud."

He is a strong, healthy, capable, independent teenager. He could do anything he wants. Yet he chooses to spend his free time saving other people's lives. He is a volunteer fire-fighter.

At least, he was all these things... until three weeks ago.

Three weeks ago, he was driving in a car with some other fire-fighter volunteers; he was sitting in the passenger seat. A car pulled out in front of theirs, making a dangerous, and illegal, turn. The driver of his car, pulled to the side, trying to avoid a collision, but the other car still hit their car, knocking the passenger side into a steel lightpost. The passenger seat crumpled. (you can view pictures here. please note that the accompanying article contains several factual errors)

The only person critically wounded was David. His friends, all fire fighters, immediately went to work, trying to save his life.

The first miracle God did was to help David survive the night, despite his very serious injuries.

Now we need some more miracles.

David is in a coma. He is, thank God, breathing on his own. Nevertheless, the trauma to his brain is very serious.

He will need all of his strength, and all the strength from our prayers, to come out of this.

Please daven for the refuah shlaymah of David Yosef ben Faigeh Perel

(read about David's strength and determination in this article from March, about David's bike ride up the Hermon)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

What Do You Say When There is Nothing to Say?

2010-07-19T21:17:00.000+03:00

What do you say when there is nothing to say?

We have all been there.

We have all faced a friend, going through a really rough time, and wondered: what can I possibly say to make my friend feel better?

More often than not, the answer is: nothing.

There is nothing you can say.

There is nothing you can do.

So, just be there.

Say nothing.

Just listen.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Support Group -- Final Meeting of the Year

2010-07-18T23:24:00.000+03:00

Our support group always breaks for the summer.

Tonight we met for the last time this year.

In addition to updating each other about ourselves, several of us learned that another member of our group passed away just over a week ago.

For me, Shoshana was a "new" member. She only joined the group this year, and did not come every time, so I did not know her so well. At first, I could not even identify who we were talking about.

I felt disconnected from the discussion about her.

It might seem cold, but since I was not close with her, the news of her passing felt distant, as if it did not really affect me.

I guess, on some level, I have erected a shield, to protect myself from this sort of news. In the world I live in, the angel of death is a regular guest.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Overly Optimistic & New Pain Theory

2010-07-17T23:08:00.000+03:00

******warning: biological details******

Wish I could report that I am feeling better. I am not.

I am not worried about anything serious. My biggest concern last week was that maybe the pain was from a strangulated hernia, but the doctor confirmed that my symptoms do not match that situation.

We both agreed that the pain was consistant with constipation. The laxative he prescribed seems to have cleared out my intestines, but it has not fully resolved the pain. The initial pain is significantly less, but I still have sharp pain whenever I breathe deeply or yawn. And I am still uncomfortable when lying on my side or sitting up.

My new theory is that I must have pulled a muscle during the period when I was constipated and trying to relieve myself. (sorry for the graphic description, but it is what it is).

I might have pulled a muscle around my lower lung or somewhere in my upper abdomen. Either way, if I am correct, it will take a while for the muscle to heal, so I do not expect relief anytime in the next few days (or nights).

Nights are really the worst, because I keep waking up from pain. I have not had a pain free, good night's sleep in over a week.

And I wonder why I am so tired.....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

A Pain-Free Window and Another Miserable Night (Medical Update)

2010-07-14T23:54:00.000+03:00

Despite yesterday's crazy, drugged-up, day at the hospital, I managed to rest for an hour before leaving to give my presentation in Elazar.

I am pleased to report that I felt great during my presentation, and the talk was excellent (if I do say so myself). I spoke for about an hour and then opened the floor for questions. Many women actively participated, asking pertinent and insightful questions. Even after the evening officially ended, women came up to ask additional questions and share some more personal thoughts.

I had prepared an outline for the evening's talk, to give to the organizers. I usually do not plan out what I am going to say in such detail.  The outline really helped me to focus my presentation, and the messages I wished to convey.

Right after the presentation, on my way out, I experienced a sudden, new, intense pain, in my upper abdomen, on my right side. It hurt me to breathe. I could barely stand up straight.

It felt like a gas bubble was caught underneath my ribcage and I did not know how to relieve the pressure. The pharmacist had warned me that the pain medications could cause constipation, which I understood to be at the root of this new pain.

As soon as I got home, I collapsed into bed.  Lying flat on my back was the least uncomfortable position. Turning onto my side caused excruciating pain. Two hours after I first fell asleep, I woke up from the pain. I could not fall back asleep, the pain was unbearable.

I wrote an email to my doctor then spent an hour in the bathroom. I managed to relieve at least some of the pressure, but it was not fun to be up in the middle of the night, feeling so much discomfort.

I felt pretty miserable.  It took another hour or so to fall into a fitful sleep.  I did not sleep well. The pain kept waking me up.  Each time, I had to concentrate on breathing slowly and shalowly, so I could relax my body enough to fall asleep.

When morning finally came around, I still hurt.

I went to the doctor, who examined my abdomen and agreed with my evaluation. He prescribed a laxative and gave me a shot for the pain.

By the time I finished at the doctor's office, the pharmacy had already received my order for the new pain patches.  My mom picked up the new patches, which are 50 mg of Fenta (instead of 12), and I put one on right away.

The new patch seems to be working. I took one Percocet when I woke up this morning, but, besides that shot in the doctor's office, I have not needed any further supplements to the pain patch.

I still feel abdominal pain on my right side, but it is significantly less than this morning's pain. I am cautiously optimistic that I will feel better tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my mother's last day of this visit. It would be nice if we could do something fun....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Not So Fun and Relaxing

2010-07-13T18:15:00.000+03:00

Today, my plan had been to go to my art class, get a massage, then come home and rest for a few hours before going out to speak to the women's Rosh Chodesh group in Elazar.

Instead, I spent the entire day at the hospital!

To begin with, even though I am wearing THREE pain patches (12 mg each) and took a Percocet as soon as I woke up, the first thing the pain specialist in the oncology ward had me do was take two more Percocets. It did shoot me into La-La-Land, but I could finally bare the pain!

Then, after a brief consult and exam by my oncologist, he sent me for a CT. After which he invited an amazing (and very nice) oncological orthopedic surgeon for an additional evaluation. I need to do an MRI of my hip, to make sure I have no fracture, but that will wait for another day.

After I finally got out of the hospital, I had to go to the pharmacy for more pain meds, but they did not have the higher dose pain patches, that the doctor wants me to try. My mom drove me to another pharmacy, but they did not have the patches either! I was too tired to make another stop, so we just gave up and will go tomorrow.

By the time I got home, just a few minutes ago, I only had (have) an hour and a half to rest before leaving to speak this evening.

I am so damn tired!

I am counting on the fact that being around people energizes me. So, I am not too concerned about my ability to give a good presentation.

That said, I am pretty sure I will crash afterwards. Thankfully, I do not have anything planned for tomorrow, so I can rest. Though I would really like to do something fun with my mom, who is leaving in two days.

Being in all this pain has really cramped my style!

I had planned on doing all these fun things with my mom. In the end, I did not feel up to doing anything fun! I am really hoping that we will manage to fit in at least a few fun things during the next two days!

I wanted today to be fun and relaxing. It really was not!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, if any of you women live in the Gush, you are certainly welcome to come here me speak this evening at the moadon in Elazar at 8:00 pm.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Easy Life.... NOT!

2010-07-12T22:20:00.002+03:00

I put on two pain patches yesterday morning, but I am still in a lot of pain. I woke up multiple times in the middle of the night from pain, and this morning I woke up in agony. The pain just got worse as the day progressed.

In addition to the patches, I took a Percocet. I took a whole pill and even that did not alleviate the pain, though it made the pain bearable.

I do not know how I managed to teach swimming today, but I did.

My final class is for advanced swimmers and I teach that class from outside of the water.

Today, I pulled a chair up to the edge of the pool and gave my comments to the kids while sitting down.

One of the parents commented to me that this must be the "best job."

I was not sure what she meant, so she explained "sitting out in the sun, teaching swimming."
Anyone who has seen me teach knows that I am usually running up and down alongside the lane, giving the kids instruction. I might sit for a few minutes, but I am 100% with the kids.

Today, I sat because I could not stand. I could barely manage to sit.

I did not want to elaborate about how much I was in pain, or explain that that was why I was "lounging" by the side of the pool.

I laughed off the comment, but it stuck with me. I know she did not mean anything negative, but it struck a nerve.

I was not in full form today. I had a very tough time concentrating on the kids. I was so unbearably in pain.

When class finally ended, I dragged myself to the changing rooms.

When I left, I had to ask someone to help me carry my pool bag up the stairs to the exit. I could barely walk. I did not even want to drive, but I had no choice.

I just wanted to get home so I could take more Percocet.

My oncologist advised me to add another patch and take as much Percocet as I needed. I no longer cared whether or not the drugs made me woozy (they did not), I just wanted to get out of pain.

My oncologist wants me to come in tomorrow morning to do some scans. He does not usually see patients on Tuesdays.

I am worried. All this pain cannot be good.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Opera in the Tel Aviv Mall (Flashmob)

2010-07-10T21:26:00.007+03:00

For all you Opera lovers out there, check this out!

Opera in the Dizengoff (Tel Aviv) Food Court.

This is so great!

If you like this, maybe you'll join us for Carmen in the Park (see post below).

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Opera in Israel -- How Cool Is This?

2010-07-09T17:04:00.001+03:00

OK, I admit it, I like Opera!

Carmen is one of my favorites and it is being performed, for FREE, in Tel Aviv, this summer!!

I am going!!

It is going to be hot, humid, and crowded as hell, but I am going!

It is going to be after a LONG chemo day (I will be getting both Doxil and Herceptin that day), but I am going!

It is going to wipe me out, but I am going!

As soon as I am done with chemo, I will gather my kids and take the train to Park HaYarkon. We will bring a picnic and and camp out until they let us in.

We will be hot. We will be sweaty. But we will be there!

You are welcome to join us!

Need I remind you? Admission is FREE!

When is this happening? Thursday, July 29th.

What time is the performance? 9:00 pm (that's 21:00, for you Israelis)

Officially, audience entrance begins at 7:00 pm, but maybe they'll let us in earlier....

How long is the performance? Approximately one hour and 45 minutes.

Where exactly is the performance? Ganei Yehoshua (Park Hayarkon) in Tel Aviv.

Park HaYarkon is MILES long. I have no idea where Ganei Yehoshua is. I imagine we will figure this out when we get off the train. Apparently, the train does stop right next to Park HaYarkon. I have no idea how close the train stop is to where we want to be.

Maybe you are wondering who is sponsoring this Opera in the Park?

The Municipality of Tel Aviv Yafo and the Israeli Opera continue the annual summer open air opera in the park tradition in Ganei Yehoshua. This summer's presentation is one of the most popular operas in the repertoire: Carmen, by Bizet, in a colorful and extravagant production.

Carmen, a free spirited gypsy, runs aways from prison, falls in love with the Toreador, and gets killed by her former lover.

This larger than life, open air production is based on Franco Zaffirelli's production at the Metropolitan Opera, New - York.

Email me if:
1. you are interested in joining us
2. you have a chair I can sit on for the performance
3. you know if my disability card can get us in earlier
4. you know of a good place to hang out while we wait to get in
5. you can explain how to get to Ganei Yehoshua from the train stop at Park HaYarkon
6. you have any other great ideas

Do not email me to tell me that I am crazy. I already know that.

(For more information about Carmen in the Park, see below)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Conductor: David Stern
Revival Director: Gad Schechter
Set Adaptation & Design: Nitzan Refaeli
Lighting Designer: Eyal Tavori
Choreographer: Neta Shezaf

Soloists:
Carmen Rinat Shaham
Don Jose
Scott Piper
Escamillo Vladimir Braun
Micaela Noa Danon
Frasquita Hila Baggio
Mercedes Shira Raz
Zuniga Andrei Trifonov
Morales Yair Goren

The Israeli Opera Chorus:
Conductor: Yishai Steckler

The Young Bat-Kol Choir:
Conductor: Dalia Lazar-Shimon
Conductor & Music Director: Anat Morag

The Opera Orchestra - The Israel Symphony Orchestra Rishon LeZion

The Neta Shezaf Flamenco Dance Theatre

Sung in French
Subtitles in English and Hebrew: Israel Ouval

Upping the Ante -- Moving On To Stronger Pain Meds (Medical Update)

2010-07-07T23:28:00.007+03:00

Today, I began treatment with Herceptin again. Since I have not received Herceptin in a long time, I needed to receive a "loading" dose. Beforehand, I agreed to take hydrocortisone, to reduce the chances of an adverse reaction. I did not really want to receive more steroids, but I also did not want to have to stop treatment in the middle. Thankfully, I did not have an adverse reaction this time.

Also today, thanks to Moshe's gentle persistance, I chose to switch my method of pain management. I got a patch which releases pain medication on a steady basis, over the course of three days. I am starting with the lowest dose patch, because I do not want to be all woozy. I had to upgrade to something a bit stronger, becaue my previous regimen no longer kept the pain at bay. I am hoping that this low dose is enough to do the trick. One of the nurses warned me that I might experience some wooziness initially, but encouraged me to keep the patch on for several days, to give my body time to adjust and get over the wooziness.

So far, I am not feeling particularly woozy. I still have some mild pain, but it really is mild. We will see how I am feeling tomorrow.

My mom kept me company at the hospital today, which was really nice. We ended up being at the hospital for a really long time (I arrived at 9:00 am and we did not get out until 4:30 pm).

I would have liked to go home and rest, but God had other plans for me. My son, who got himself a job working as a junior counselor this summer, had a field trip with his camp today. He called me as soon as he learned that they would not be getting back in time for him to catch the bus to Tekoa for his horseback riding group. I offered to take him by car today as well (I drove him and one of his friends yesterday, for their first lesson, so I could see the stables, meet the owner, and provide the boys with some sort of orientation so they would be able to come and go on their own).

Once I was driving in anyway, I decided to hang out in Tekoa with my friend, KAA, and just drive the boys home after their horseback riding session. I did not mind the wait, but I needed ice cream. KAA and I went to the Makolet and I bought myself a tub of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. Despite the hot weather (and the steroids coursing through my system), I exhibited exemplary self control and did not eat the entire tub of ice cream. I used a trick my father taught me and wrapped the left over ice cream in multiple layers of plastic bags. I used a LOT of plastic bags and the ice cream was still frozen when I got home, almost an hour later (Thanks Dad!).

Tonight, Moshe, my mom, and I, watched several episodes of The Big Bang Theory. (Thanks, LWG!) If you are a geeky type, or even just married to one, you have to watch this! You will laugh!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Humor (wit and wisdom when you least expect it)

2010-07-03T21:05:00.002+03:00

I am not feeling too well. My head hurts, I feel pressure in my chest, and my hips, thighs, shoulders and neck hurt.

I am feeling pretty sorry for myself at this moment. I hate not feeling good. And I hate being this way when my parents are here. I want them to see me at my best, so they will not worry when they are not here.

But I am feeling so miserable, there is just no way for me to be my usual, cheerful self.

I mentioned to Moshe how much I hate not feeling well.

Ever the supportive husband, he responded: 'It's your own fault. If you liked not feeling well then you'd be having a great time."

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel. With love and optimism, RivkA

Aliza's Bat Mitzvah Shabbat

2010-07-02T18:37:00.001+03:00

What a wonderful Shabbat!

Our hosts were were generous beyond description. Not only were we welcome in their home, but they had a simcha of their own, so they were out for all meals and invited us to use their home for whatever we wanted. Their hospitality did not end there. They cooked us a phenomenal Friday night dinner, with all our favorites: orange soup, sushi, salmon, lasagna, maccaroni and cheese, salad, and, for dessert, spicy carrot cake, ice cream, and real NY style cheese cake!

We ate dinner with just our immediate family: the five of us, Moshe's parents, and my parents.

Dinner was so filling that both Aliza and I fell asleep before dessert. Everyone decided to serve the carrot cake and save the cheesecake for seudah shlishit!

I had a piece of the carrot cake in the morning, with a large glass of milk!

Then off to shul we go....

When we got to shul, I realized all the little details that I forgot to arrange in advance. So I went around distributing honors to family and friends. I forgot a few, but the women from the Tefillah group smoothly filled in all the gaps.

My youngest daughter read beautifully, taking care to pronounce correctly every sh'va na, sh'va nach, and mapik hey. She read loudly and clearly, enunciating ever syllable. It was a pleasure to hear her read so well and to see her standing at the Bima with such poise and grace.

We gave aliyot to my mother, eldest daughter, SK (who came in from Be'er Sheva!), AGS (who came in from Alon), YLR (who had not made it to the Tefillah since her first baby's birth, but came for our simcha!), and, of course, the Bat Mitzvah girl! I had the aliyah for Maftir, and read the Haftorah.

It was so amazing to look around the room and see so many friends who came to join us in our simcha. Many left before davening was over, and I did not even get a chance to say Shabbat Shalom. But they were there.

After davening, we had a lovely kiddush, that was put together with the help of so many friends and family members that it is impossible to mention them all! Someone brought cherries (my favorite!) -- and I probably ate half of them! Since that was all I ate, I did not feel bad. I did take two peanut butter and chocolate squares, but some kid ran into me and knocked them to the floor, so I really just ate the cherries... Oh, and a few slices of melon.

I had no appetite and, anyway, I was too busy talking to worry about food. So many people joined us for kiddush that, once again, I did not get a chance to greet everyone!

Then we had a delicious lunch, which my Mother in law prepared, with some additional family members and friends who came in from out of town, Y&UC (who came in from Beit Shemesh), SK and her daughter, YG, and PB.

After lunch, we went back to where we were staying and my son and I played chess with my dad, while Moshe, my mom, and the girls rested. When my son and I teamed up together, we actually beat my dad. But, on our own, we both lost... big time. I'm never going to beat my dad at chess, but, eventually, my son might.

Later, my in-laws came over and we had seudah shlishit together.

Everything turned out so well on Shabbat. Everyone did everything they could to make it nice. I really enjoyed spending the time with our family and friends.

I am so grateful to all the people who helped make Shabbat such a simcha and to all the people who came to share in our simcha.

Most importantly, my daughter had a wonderful Shabbat. She felt really good about her reading, several friends came to hear her read and to join us for kiddush, and she was really the focus of our attention. Our hosts not only decorated their home with baloons for her, but they decorated a special chair (throne) for her as well. She felt like a princess.

May we have many more occasions to celebrate together!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Reading Haftorah - fulfilling a dream

2010-07-01T15:03:00.000+03:00

People often assume that, because I know how to read Torah, I also know how to read Haftorah. After all, you read Haftorah from a book, not a scroll, and all the nikud (vowels and punctuation) and ta'amim(cantilations) are there, right in front of you.

But I never learned the meloday for Haftorah.

I always wanted to learn, but never found the time....

As my youngest daughter's Bat Mitzvah approached, I had the idea that if she learned to read her entire parsha (Torah portion), then I would learn to read the Haftorah. I really liked this idea, but even as she approached the end of her learning, I still had not found the time.

Thursday night, before her Bat Mitzvah Shabbat, I realized I either have to assign someone else to read the Haftorah or I have to learn it, FAST!

Providence shined on me and, that evening, my good friend, RJ, who is an amazing reader called to ask if I needed any help.

"I have a crazy question for you...." I began, "Can you come over tomorrow and teach me to read Haftorah?"

She laughed. Who wouldn't? Who learns a new trope in one day?
I know the signs and names of the ta'amim, so that makes the starting point a little easier, but learning all the notes in one day is tall order. I also have a pretty good ear for music, so I felt confident (perhaps overly so) that I could do it.

RJ agreed to come by on Friday and teach me whatever she could.

Some ta'amim were easier for me to learn, others were quite difficult. We did not have much time, but RJ was very encouraging.

At the end of our session, I had it down. But.... could I remember it?

After my daughter read her parsha so beautifully... I was up.

I was not at all confident.

I asked RJ to stand next to me, so she could prompt me for the three ta'amim I had difficulty remembering (each appeared only once in my reading).

For someone who learned both the ta'amim and the Haftorah the day before, my reading was pretty good.

But, as one of my brutally honest friends said, "I've heard you do better."

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Women Reading Torah for Women

2010-06-30T22:24:00.001+03:00

Years ago, when someone from my Women's Tefillah Group asked me if my eldest would layn (read) Torah at her Bat Mitzvah, I responded, "ask her."

I knew that the desire to learn to read Torah had to come from my daughter and not from me.

To my surprise, and pleasure, my eldest chose to read. She was so excited! She had six grammar lessons before she even began learning the trope (cantilation) and, she looked forward to every lesson! In the end, she read six out of seven aliyot. I read the fourth aliyah, which she did not learn. It was a great way for me to be involved in her Bat Mitzvah.

When my youngest daughter also expressed interest in layning her parsha, I felt so happy and proud.

I would have liked to teach her, but from my experiences with my eldest and my middle, I already knew that I just did not have the energy, or the discipline, to teach my youngest properly. My good friend, IS, who taught me to layn back when we were still in college, taught my daughter.

When my daughter discovered how challenging learning to layn is, she expressed doubt that she would be able to learn at all, much less learn the entire Torah reading.

We assured her that whatever she did would be good enough.

A few weeks ago, I realized that she had really mastered the skill of learning to layn, and suggested to her that she probably could learn the entire parsha. She did not reject the idea, but doubted she could do it.

I will never forget the moment when she came to tell me, with her eyes shining bright and a huge smile on her face, that she knew it all!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Medical Update -- Doxil, Weight Loss and Herceptin

2010-06-29T23:28:00.002+03:00

Started Doxil today.

We have not received approval yet, but are optimistic that our supplemental insurance will cover the treatments.

Meanwhile, a few of our many angels covered the cost of today's treatment.

So we wrote a check to the hospital and I received my first treatment.

At one point, I felt a tightness in my chest and midsection. The nurse slowed down the pace of the IV. The pain lessened, though I still felt a tightness in my chest, in the area of my sternum.

The pressure did not increase when the nurse raised the rate again, but I still feel the tightness in my chest now (almost 7 hours later).

My next dose of Doxil is in a month.

My oncologist advised me not to expect to feel a difference in pain until then. I hope he is wrong.

Lately, I have had to take half a Percocet at night, in order to alleviate the pain enough for me to fall asleep. I wake up in the morning, earlier than I want, from pain. I do not want to take a whole pill, because I do not want to be a zombie in the morning! I am back to taking pain killers (2 Optalgin & 2 Algolysin) as soon as I get up, and every four hours thereafter.

My appetite has not yet returned fully. I only have a few more kilos left to lose (4.7 to be exact). When I get down to 70 kilos, I will have to do something to make sure that I do not lose too much weight. I always said: If I have to eat a high calorie diet, I will just eat ice cream all day. I might need to stock up soon....

I also need to do some sort of exercise. I know I do not move enough during the day. I lost all this weight, yet I still feel like I have to drag myself to go anywhere.

Good news for today: My health fund approved coverage of Herceptin!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

One Proud, and Exhausted, Mama!

2010-06-28T14:51:00.000+03:00

I have so much to share, but no energy to write!

I really could sleep all day!! But who has the time???

This morning, I had to make calls and write a letter about my new medications (which my health fund has not yet approved); now I have to go teach swimming (which is tiring, but also work I love); after that, I will go to my youngest daughter's end of the year play (in which she has a major role).

This is the last in a series of public roles that my daughter has been in during these past four or five weeks.

She has been a shining star throughout!

Did I mention that she delivered her drasha like a pro?

I am one proud mama!!

I do not know how she keeps on going. I am ready to drop!

If I don't fall asleep during her show tonight, it will be a miracle!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Proud Parenting Moment -- She Read the WHOLE THING!

2010-06-26T23:11:00.001+03:00

Today, my youngest daughter read the entire parsha for Shirat Sarah, our women's Tefillah (prayer) group.

She did a fantastic job!

I am so proud.

I wanted to write more, but my right hip and leg are spazzing out. I am in so much pain, even after taking pain killers. I just cannot write more right now.

I am so grateful to God for keeping my pain down to a minimum during Shabbat. I was really able to enjoy our simcha.

I'll write more another time. (b'li neder)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Medical Update (Doxil + Herceptin)

2010-06-24T23:08:00.000+03:00

Between trying to manage my health and trying to plan a simcha (celebration), we are all at our wits end!

We have had lengthy discussions with three oncologists regarding my upcoming treatment.

My main oncologist recommends Doxil.*

The oncologist with whom we had a phone consultation made several recommendations, all involving Herceptin.

And our semi-local "second opinion" oncologist (who is in the Tel Aviv area), with whom Moshe always insists we meet before beginning any new treatment, agreed that I should switch to Doxil + Herceptin.

She also said that, according to the current (and new) laws, both should be covered by our health fund.

We are not finding the health fund so forthcoming. We are challenging the health fun. At the same time, we are applying to our supplemental insurance for coverage of the Doxil. The supplemental insurance won't cover Herceptin, because I took that drug before I signed up for coverage.

Meanwhile, my markers are shooting through the roof, but we know there is progression, so no one is getting all excited about that.... except Moshe and me. And I am so scared about what has been going on inside my body since my last tests showed progression.

We just cannot play this waiting game. So, we are looking into funding the first few treatments on our own (with help, of course).

Once we get approved for funding, we should be reimbursed.... ("should" being the operative word)

Meanwhile, I am in pain, and sometimes the pain can get quite serious.

Like now, when my hip hurts so much that I cannot sit, or lie, comfortably, and my thigh muscle is having some sort of electric spasm!

My head is exploding with all the things I have to do tomorrow!!!

Our daughter's Bat Mitzvah is THIS SHABBAT!!

She will be reading ALL of Parhsat Balak at our women's Tefillah group!

I am so proud of her!!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

* Doxil was developed in Israel, by Prof. Alberto (Avraham) Gabizon, who is currently the head of oncology at Sha'are Zedek. (See # 69 and # 70 in this list of Gabizon's professional publications)

Crossing the Line -- Becoming Israeli

2010-06-22T23:50:00.002+03:00

This summer, I will have been living in Israel for 21 years. Add to that the year I spent in Israel after high school, and that makes 22 years of living in Israel.

I am 44. As of next year, I will have spent more of my life in Israel, than in the US.

This year, at Shavua HaSefer (book week), because of another purchase we made, we had the opportunity to purchase the Even-Shoshan Dictionary at an incredible price. Due to the internet, there is less of a need for reference books. Still, living in Israel and possessing only English-Hebrew dictionaries felt... wrong.

How could I be living here for over 20 years and not own a proper Hebrew dictionary?

The Even-Shoshan Dictionary is THE dictionary to get. It contains far more than mere definitions of words. It contains definitions of phrases and references to where particular words or phrases appear in Tanach and Israeli literature. It is SO DAMN COOL!!

And I got one!

I have wanted one for years, but they were so expensive. The set usually costs over 700 NIS. Recently it sold, on sale, for around 420 NIS. I got it for 250 NIS!!

In my mind, owning an Even-Shoshan Dictionary is quintessentially Israeli.

I felt so proud, like I had finally crossed the line from being a new immigrant to being Israeli.

I do not own an Oxford dictionary, but I own the Even-Shoshan Dictionary.

As often happens, as soon as I made the purchase, I started having doubts. What if my kids, for whom I really got it, never use it? What if I got a good deal, but still wasted the money? What if it just sits on my shelf, gathering dust?

Well, today, I used it, myself, a lot!

It is a bit of a long story (i.e. the topic for another post), but I proofread the text for Tefillat HaDerech and discovered that it was very important to me that the text be grammatically correct, down to every dagesh and every comma.

I got totally into the details.

I pulled out the dictionary.

Wow. Just wow.

Not only could I ensure grammatical accuracy, I caught several textual references that I otherwise would not have known.

This is the coolest dictionary. I had so much fun looking up the exact spelling of particular words, that you might think I am normally this pedantic about grammar. I am not.

But if I am putting something in print, I want it to be right.

I bought the dictionary less than a month ago, and I used it already.

I am so happy we got it.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Power of Good Marketing

2010-06-17T07:15:00.053+03:00

No one in my family eats sweet noodle kugel.

Never mind that sweet noodle kugel is a staple in most Ashkenazi homes. It just does not appeal to the members of my family.

Last week, someone brought over noodles with cottage cheese. I thought she had made a modified mac and cheese dish, until she mentioned that she "only put a little bit of sugar in it."

If my kids identified the dish as "noodle kugel," I knew no one would eat it. So, I labeled it "maccaroni and cheese."

Everyone in our home eats mac and cheese.

Despite the lable, I did not know if my kids would eat the dish.

They did.

When my son took a second portion, he commented "I'm glad it's not sweet; I don't like sweet pasta."

My marketing plan worked.
The next week, someone else made us maccaroni and cheese.

I took a few bites -- this was the real thing!

The mac and cheese tasted amazing, but I could not eat more than a very small portion.

I considered saving a piece for myself to eat later, then decided I did not need to put any aside. The mac and cheese filled such a big tray....

Big mistake.

That mac and cheese disappeared so fast!

The next day, when I went to to take some, it was already gone!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Dress -- Part II

2010-06-16T23:14:00.005+03:00

This Sunday, one of the topics covered in my shiur (Torah study class) was the prohibition of ta'avot (desires).

I publicly declared that I was in the midst of a major struggle with my ta'avot, regarding The Dress.

Since the previous Wednesday, I could not stop thinking about The Dress.

I kept thinking of ways to justify the expense:

I have not bought myself a new dress in at least ten years.
The price per year is reasonable when it is divided by ten!
Though the dress is elegant, it is simple enough so that I can wear it to other smachot (celebrations)
I would also wear the dress on chagim (holidays), including Rosh HaShannah.

But, these calculations would be irrelevant if I gained back the weight I lost. And, if they put me back on steroids, I could gain that weight back fairly quickly.

On the other hand, I really do not want to regain that weight. So, it does not make sense to make a decision based on a possibility that I am hoping will not happen.

I decided to ask the store to hold the dress for me, for a day.

When I called the store, the saleslady told me they sold the dress!

My heart plummeted!!

I asked if they could get another dress.

The store owner made a few calls. Her supplier had another dress in my size and would deliver it to her store.

Then I learned that all the stores at the mall were having a three day stock sale. On Wednesday, after we left the store, my friend went back and told them about my "situation;" the store owner offered to sell The Dress to me for 1,600 NIS. With the stock sale, The Dress would be 1,326 NIS -- still way beyond my budget, but significantly cheaper than 2,000 NIS!

Meanwhile, the store had the same dress in bordeaux (maroon). I asked a friend, who is a seamstress, to come look at the dress and tell me if she could copy it. My friend was fairly confident that she could make a similar dress. Clearly, her dress would not be exactly the same, but it would be close. We even went to a fabric store and found the same fabric.

I should have felt relieved but, instead, I felt anxious.

What if she put in all the work and her dress did not meet my expectations? What if it was not as comfortable? Or not as pretty?

I needed to decide, because the stock sale ended today.

Yesterday (Tuesday), I spent all afternoon looking for a dress. I found nothing that fit right. My body is shaped funny because of the hernia (I actually have two abdominal hernias. Lucky me.). So, I really need something that is cut right for me.

I consulted my husband, my mother, my father, and several select friends.

I wondered if I was crazy for even considering The Dress.

I learned that in Tel Aviv, similar dresses can cost twice as much, or more! So, what?

Almost everyone encouraged me to get the dress. Still, I hesitated.

I felt torn by my natural frugality versus my extreme desire for The Dress.

Today, on my way home from Beit Natan's Spring Retreat, as I rushed home for a scheduled phone consultation with an oncologist in the US, I did it.

I stopped at the mall, went to the store and paid for the dress (so I could get it at the stock sale price). I had no time to think, because I needed to get home for the consultation.

I made one more quick stop at the photo shop to get an album for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Because of the stock sale, it cost half the price.

I was in and out of the mall in less than 15 minutes!

I did not have time to think about my decision.

I arrived home just in time to place the call.

Deliberating over The Dress was difficult enough.

Deliberating over my next treatment makes my head spin!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

CRASH

2010-06-15T23:28:00.000+03:00

Last night, I collapsed into bed at 8:15 pm. By 8:30 pm I was fast asleep!

I do not remember the last time I went to be that early without being sick!

Unfortunately, I then woke up at 4:00 am!! I managed to fall back asleep, but kept waking up from the pain.

Finally, at 7:00, I got up to help my son.

Before I did anything, I popped some pain killers.

I gotta' start the new treatment soon, whatever it is. I am in too much pain!

I am not convinced that is what is wearing me down, but it sure does not help!

It is still early (for me), but I can already feel myself crashing....

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Vegetarian Pregnancy Problem -- What to do When Your Fetus Craves Meat?

2010-06-14T09:45:00.000+03:00

I was a strict vegetarian for years. You know, the crazy kind of vegetarian that only religious Jews can be.

"What, that chicken touched this potato? Of course, I cannot eat the potato!"

Well, all that changed when I was pregnant...

In the middle of my first pregnancy, Moshe and I were visiting friends for Shabbat. They served a very simple lunch, including a platter of Israeli cold cuts.

Now, I love deli meat (especially corned beef and pastrami). But, let's face it, the deli meat in Israel is lousy.

The quality of the meat did not deter me. I sat at the table and salivated. I felt as if the earth was about to open up and swallow me (note the Korach connection to last week's parsha) and the only thing that could save me was to eat the cold cuts.

But I was a vegetarian!!

Now, I was not really a fanatical vegetarian. I did not believe that meat eaters were morally inferior. I simply believed that refraining from killing animals was a preferable way to live. I always claimed that if I craved meat, it would be a sign that my body needed the meat.

For years, eating meat was a non-issue.

Then, there I was, craving deli meats.

For an hour, I asked Moshe what I should do. I just wanted him to tell me: "It is okay for you to eat the meat."

God bless my husband, he never tells me what to do.

Always sensitive, he tells me, instead: "It is your choice. Whatever you decide is okay."

NOT THE SAME!!

For an hour (an hour!), I suffered.

Then, I succumbed.

I swore my husband and my friends to secrecy; then I gobbled up the entire plate of cold cuts!

I thought my cravings for chicken would go away after I gave birth, but they did not. Apparently, nursing had the same physical/nutritional effect on my body as being pregnant. I needed meat.

Finally, I decided. If I could face my vegan friend and admit that I was no longer vegetarian, I could cross over to "the dark side."

My friend, who is an ideological vegan, was so supportive. I will forever be grateful to her for not judging me.

It took years for the cravings to end.

It took chemo to make chicken unappealing.

I am not likely to become vegetarian again. I still like good deli and a good all-beef hot dog! But I would rather drink a glass of milk than have a piece of chicken.

Meanwhile, it is part of our family lore, that it is my eldest daughter's fault that I am no longer vegetarian.

All the above is to explain why I was so touched when my eldest daughter called me over yesterday, to "come watch this (episode of Friends), it is all about us!"

The B-plot of the episode is about Phoebe, a strict vegetarian, who is pregnant and.... craves meat.

We watched together and just laughed!!

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

2 Busy 2 Post

2010-06-13T23:53:00.002+03:00

Sorry to have disappeared.

Nothing is wrong.

Between real life, Bat Mitzvah planning, and trying to figure out my next treatments, I just have not had time to post!

Will try to post a few short posts in the next few days.

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

The Dress

2010-06-10T23:08:00.001+03:00

Yesterday, my friend CV offered to help me look for a new dress for my daughter's Bat Mitzvah.

I was not going to get anything new, but my MIL suggested I get something new and offered to contribute towards a new dress. So, I figured, I should at least look around....

I found the most beautiful dress! It was perfect: beautiful, soft, flowy, fancy, elegant, stylish and unique; cut in a way that flattered even my mishapen body! The dress was even in my colors: different shades of tourquiose and black.

This dress was everything I could have wanted..... and completely out of my price range!

My jaw fell to the floor when I saw the price tag. Even with an additional discount, the price was not just out of the ballpark, it was out of my league!!

Do people really spend 2,000 NIS for a dress????

I would never dream of spending that much money on an article of clothing!!!

The only problem is that now that I have seen the perfect dress, everything else will pale in comparison....

*sigh*

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

Where is Your "Happy Place"?

2010-06-09T14:12:00.006+03:00

A few nights ago, my eldest and I spent some great time together.

Somehow, we got to talking about our "Happy Places."

I was pleased to discover that she has such a place.

Everyone has their own "Happy Place," where they can escape within their own mind. Not everyone knows how to find it.

My Happy Place is sitting on a small hill, under a willow tree, overlooking a lake, with a small forest off to the left. There is a building to the right that resembles my Jr. High -- it is a long, flat, red brick building. Unlike Jr. High, which I hated, this building represents peacefullness and stability...

Sometimes I am alone in my "Happy Place." Sometimes my husband is with me. Sometimes I am sitting with a friend, whose arm is draped comfortably around my shouder. Every once in a while, I sit there, surrounded by my kids, who are also sitting peacefully.

My Happy Place is a quiet place, where we sit, in silence, and just "be there," enjoying the moment.

(Thanks to my daughter for inspiring this post)

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA

A Mother's Worst Nightmare

2010-06-08T13:37:00.000+03:00

"It can always be worse" is my motto.

We need to keep life's challenges in perspective.

Recognizing that most situations could be worse helps us to appreciate our situation, even if our situation is not all that great.

Then there are mornings like today, when you hear about something so awful that it really is a mother's worst nightmare.

I was still in bed when my eldest daughter called.

She heard something really awful and did not know how to process her feelings.

The news reported that a 16 year old girl and a 20 year old boy were found, dead, in Nachlaot, apparently from a drug overdose. The girl is someone my daughter has known since she was a baby. They were in playgroup and, later, in kindergarten together. Most of the girls in my daughter's High School were in Elementary School and/or Jr. High School with this girl. All the mothers know this girl's mother.

My daughter told me: "the first thing I did was verify that the information is true; the next thing I did was to call you."

We spoke for a few minutes. Then my daughter needed to go to class.

They are addressing this incident in her school.

Everyone is in shock.

I tried to find information on the internet. The news reports do not mention the name of the girl or her family.

Once again I am struck by the irony of the adage "no news is good news."

This is the second time that I learned details of a tragedy even before all the information was released to the public.

I am still stunned.

How can I expect my 16 year old to process this nightmare when I am having such a difficult time processing it?

Please daven (or send happy, healing thoughts) for RivkA bat Teirtzel.

With love and optimism,
RivkA